but i'll try to be more loyal in the future.
lets get you up to date.
Saturday was Shalanda's bridal shower. She gave me the wrong address on the hottest day of the year and i ended up next to Camden yards rather than Columbia in a sun dress that was sticking to my butt in a car that was overheating...i was not a happy camper. When i asked her to send the address again she asked for me to stop and get pens on my way there....if i could have reached through the phone to throttle her i would have.
I finally got there - an hour late- and it was a lot of fun. I was overdressed. but my new philosophy is its better to be over dressed than under dressed. You can't fix it when you're wearing sweats and everyone else is wearing suits. But if you're the one in the suit everyone just feels like they're slacking. lol
It was good to see Shalanda again. To hear her speak about marriage. I remember wishing i was in her shoes...i can't even imagine being there now. When she talks about love, and trust and marriage, i'm such a scenic that i scoff in my head...and hours later i catch her words replaying in my head and i wish...
i wish
i knew what it was to believe them.
she's getting married on May 15th. Less than 2 weeks away. Her and Kiki have an apartment together. a 5 year plan together. a future.
i can't even dream of those things anymore
but i'm happy for them.
i'm happy and envious and ecstatic and over joyed
and hopeful
she had told me exactly what she wanted. went so far as to call me and tell me where to order them. and i did. she said she knew what she wanted and she wanted it from me.
i guess cuz i'm the friend who wouldn't be afraid to buy her underwear for her bridal shower. lol.
and i was that friend. Everyone else got her dishes and a microwave, and gift cards. I got her panties.
i guess they're all necessities at the end of the day.
what i got her was innocent in comparison of what she bought herself. i was proud.
after everyone left we had "the talk." She is the only friend i have who has actually waited until her wedding day. (another thing i can't imagine). She's terrified. I told her it wasn't that big of a deal...then realized how much of a skank that made me sound
"ok. i didn't mean for it to sound that way. it is a big deal. i'm glad you
waited. its the right thing to do. but guys sometimes act like its the end all
be all of life. that its all they think about. all they want to do. that they
can't survive without it. don't get me wrong its good. really good. and
fun...but you can live without it. you can survive without it."
then she asked
"what do you think of oral?"
i said
"yes"
lol. she said she couldn't imagine ever doing it. and the one time he tried she hated it. I told her when you stop stressing and over thinking it its really good. I mean
its the final result without all the work...and sweat.
i told her that i don't enjoy giving because its boring. lol. but i could understand why they like it and why other people do, so don't knock it before you try it i guess. its all about being able to give him that pleasure. like you are willing to do that...selflessly. just for him because you want to.
she told me how scared she was it was going to hurt
"what if i can't walk in the morning"
i laughed. (we all went to school together. and i know someone who did in fact survive and walk away from the experience [awkward...i decided not to mention it])
"everyone says sh- like that...but it never happens. Unless he has 3 legs,
you'll be fine. trust me...you'll be fine."
on another note i heard from my ex. or rather i emailed him because he owes me $160 for his phone bill (before i cut his phone off)
he refused to mail it to.
then asked me if i could help him study for his placement tests for school.
i couldn't find words. i stopped responding to the e-mails at that point.
a day later i wrote a response...but you know what they say- if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.
so there it is...blinking away at me in my draft folder on my computer.
how dare you ask me that. how dare you have the gall. how dare
you-
why don't you ask alecia to help you? or any of those other
girls you couldn't get enough of while you were with me-
like i would want to help you succeed after you tore me so
low-
i'm not ready to see you....never ready to see
you...
why wouldn't you love me enough-
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