reminiscing

i found the password to my old xanga yesterday. I was trying to figure out how to import all of my old posts here- but near the end i started using it more as a diary with more private posts than public, and...

well...

there's still some things i'd like to keep private.


i used to save AIM conversations sometimes. important ones i wanted to go back to and analyze when it was over. i have a lot acutally.

shanequa telling me ryan was cheating on me
brandon telling me how he felt
tyler breaking up
ryan saying goodbye

and clayton...just talking....

its funny to look back and see a moment. like captured in a bottle, to escape for a day. how i wish i could go back. not even change things (well sometimes i wish i could do that too)...just go back and relive those moments. those conversations.

see if i would answer the same way. have the same dialogue.


so much time has passed. so many things have changed. but looking back the emotions are all still there. the moments just as poignant.

i miss having moments.


they don't really happen anymore.

thagreatone128 (11:24:51 PM): yeah .. i feel you .. i think
those are plans for everyone ... after college, ya career and love interest can
take ya across the globe
cinnamonsweet2k5 (11:26:15 PM): its just strange to have to
plan life years down the road. it seems like a few years ago i had no
worries
thagreatone128 (11:29:28 PM): yeah ... you dont wanna plan too
ahead though, spontaneity is critical in life .. dont want ya life reading like
a calendar ...
cinnamonsweet2k5 (11:30:34 PM): i'd have less worries if i
scripted life like a play rather than wait to see what cards i'm dealt and
forced to play
thagreatone128 (11:31:30 PM): yeah .. but less worries, doesnt
necessarily equate to more happiness ...
cinnamonsweet2k5 (11:32:07 PM): well from expereince, suprises
never end up as happy ending
thagreatone128 (11:32:41 PM): but you wouldnt wanna let ya
experience hinder what the future may hold for ya ..
cinnamonsweet2k5 (11:33:26 PM): if these experiences are my
future than i'd rather hinder them now...
thagreatone128 (11:34:09 PM): hmmm ... you may have a point
there .. but still ..
cinnamonsweet2k5 (11:34:18 PM): lol
cinnamonsweet2k5 (11:34:26 PM): nope, your argument in wack
compared to mine
thagreatone128 (11:35:09 PM): not even .. you just letting the
bitterness of ya past determine your perception of the future .. that aint
healthy
cinnamonsweet2k5 (11:36:08 PM): i'm not. i'm just less
idealist. Maybe a bit pessimistic. but reality never turns into fairy
tales
thagreatone128 (11:37:21 PM): yeah .. but thats the whole
point about having faith .. regardless of the realities of the matter and past
experiences, you gotta have hope and faith that the future will .. fortunately
.. be different, and better
cinnamonsweet2k5 (11:37:57 PM): i'm not saying i've lost
faith
cinnamonsweet2k5 (11:38:12 PM): i'm just not leaving
everything up to chance
thagreatone128 (11:38:39 PM): true ...