Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

Monday, April 25, 2011

things that should have died in 2010

- black men with mohawks
- white men with mohawks
- people in general with mohawks, excluding those that wear them for cultural/religious reasons

- men over the age of 20 with corn rows
- men/boys with cornrows and no hangtime
-long hair and bald spots

- MIL drama
- EX drama
- Blogs about ppl you don't know

- tweeting about things in the past
- Passive aggressive behaviour
- ppl who are bluntly inconsiderate

- extremely overweight ppl squeezing into clothes in the single digits
- pretty girls with massive trashy tattoos
- little girls with weaves

- children with no manners
- parents with no home training
- having to explain etiquette to ppl over the age of 12

- pants that show your crack
- girls who think its sexy to show their crack
- ppl desperate for attention in general

- crazy family members
- crazy family drama
- friends that make you want to kill them

- frenemies

- stalking your ex
- stalking your ex's new gf
- not moving out of the picture when it's time (referring to the point 7 ahead)

- talking shit behind ppl's back
- talking shit and then smiling in said person's face
- passive aggressive behavior in general

- being overbearing
- being tacky
- being crass

- horrible dye jobs
- bad teeth
- bad breath
- ignorance to the obvious problems

to be continued . . .

Friday, April 22, 2011

as usual...

So I had an emergency doctor's appointment yesterday. One of many unfortunately...but I've switched doctors so hopefully things will calm down for now.

I had flipped out from some of the many side effects of the antibiotics they've kept me on for 6 months...and then all of a sudden Baby decided now was the ideal time to stop moving for 2 days.

well all of the stress was worth it. i had a sono done and below are a couple of the pix

I'm not quite sure who's nose that is...and lord knows those aren't my lips...we'll see what she looks like at birth cuz everything i thought seems to be totally off.

i sent the pix to Aaron and Mom and then (against my better judgement)I send a copy of the pictures to MIL....

everyone else responded with the usual "ooh"s and "awww"s...

My conversation with MIL

MIL : Omg!!Ijust told Lilliana she shed will look like me...Lol
Me (at least 3 minutes later after i tried to find a nicer response) : Lol. I'm hoping she'll look lik eme

MIL: Well ok maybe Aaron will have a little i hope at least the smile

i swear this woman wasn't so annoying before I was pregnant. now all of a sudden everything has to be about her. My mother swears its because I'm 'stealingher son away'...forreal?!...

I quit...the end

in the words of tuck "some ppl can't handle random acts of kindness" that will be the last time i send her any sonogram pix...obviously she can't handle them

Tuesday, April 19, 2011


So I took a final the other day

an hour and a half of Legal technology

It was particularly hard...it was rather tedious. on subjects the professor flipped through, giving a lot of small details about multiple topics but never really going into depth on any of them

of course the final asked that you go into detail

it was open book

open note

and open internet

and timed

no problem. i finished the test in a little over an hour

it was on blackboard. being a technology test the professor thought it best to put into use the technology we were paying for.

it probably would have been a good idea for him to test it out before the class started

halfway through my test the test stopped saving. i asked him he brushed it of and said keep going.

an hour later i call him over and try to save and submit it says the test is not complete...i show the teacher i've answered all the questions he says "submit it"




the entire screen flashes red and then turns onto and error page stating that i don't have access to be on this website

yep...erased the entire test

and he shrugs and says he'll come back to me....

long story short....an hour later he pulls the 5 ppl who had errors into the hallway and explains that he has no idea what happened but he'll get back to us in a few days.

i had to take the test over again.

i did significantly worse this time.

i blame my rage.

i have another final due tomorrow. A memo about a case. i wish i cared a little more.

i really just want this semester to be over. i want this program to be over.

i want to start over somewhere else. somewhere new...do something different.

be someone different for a day.

its just one of those days it seems....

Monday, April 18, 2011


I had a good weekend. its always nice to have those. hung out with an old friend and didn't worry about anything.

other than the phone call my mother had on friday afternoon with MIL....but we'll get back to that later

Tuck-tuck came over on Friday night/Saturday morning and stayed till sunday. We shopped like we had money and knocked out while watching movies. it was like the old times at McDaniel. We discussed relationships and growing up, children and heartbreaks. and candy. lol.

it was good to see her. we need to have more times like that. time seems to fly away from me sometimes and i catch myself thinking back and wondering where old friends went...and whether in my rush to keep up with life i some how missed sharing the days with them

i don't want to miss those moments...

as for MIL...she's up to her usual nonsense. she tried to compromise with my mother about the baby shower. as it will be at our house she has decided the "Christenning" will be at hers.

1) my daughter won't be christened. i'm not catholic. she's not going to be catholic

2) my mother can't make that decision. as she is not the one carrying the child and has no custodial claims to her. the correct person to discuss this with would be me or her son...

3) if your ass wants to make decisions maybe you should talk to me.


well she called me twice today. i picked up the second time. about a breast pump that would "cost me $35 a month" she says...thanks...i can pay for my own pump since i'm pretty sure that it will come back and bite me in the ass if i let you cover any costs for me.

she kept it short and sweet and almost seemed like the woman i knew before i got knocked up...

we both quickly got off the phone...maybe in hopes to preventing the eventual awkwardness that lives between us.

its unfortunate

i haven't heard from anyone in his family in over a month...i used to speak to cousins rather regularly...and then something happened. some huge catastrophe occured and now i've been kicked out of the family.

i probably should have seen that coming

i should have expected that in the end.

but I won't end up like his Aunt Anne...who sits silently in corners at family gatherings and rebels by avoiding them more than they avoid her...

i judged her before...for her silence

but now i understand

stay silent.

stay away

and protect yourself and your family.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

boundary stomper

i'm turning into one of those ppl who tells their friends to read their blog to get updates on my life

its kind of depressing to tell you the truth. i just can't seem to find time and space away from the boy to rankt and rave like i want to.

there's a woman at my office names Lizett. sweetest woman I've ever met. She's salvadorean. and she understands lol

i think she asks me how i'm feeling more than my mother does. well i guess i'm stressed out because i started telling her my MIL issues. she was very straight forward

"there are a lot of ppl from my country that never learn the social graces..."

"its called mamita' but don't tell your BF i said that...she's having a hard time letting go"

"you have to be smart about it. don't make it seem like he has to choose between you and his mother. you'll never win that. eventually he will go back to his mother...they always do... you just have to explain to him...about boundaries. that the decisions that you make as a couple they are important....that you don't want to always have these fights...that even though we're young, we are adults..."

"its about respect..."

"she's afraid that she's losing a son...she thinks that since you're marrying her son that you are her daughter and thus she's able to tell you how to do things"

"don't let this stress you out. this should be the happiest time in your life. if you're stressed you will get depressed and that will affect the baby..."

i wish i had taken notes while she was talking. i wish i could have recorded it. i wish i could take her with me...

she asked me if we were moving away. that we should. move out of the state...if there was distance than she wouldn't feel so inclined to try to impose rules

she just kept telling me to be smart and to be careful. that this was about family dynamics. that the things to focus on was my relationship, my child and myself...everything else was secondary...

"maybe you should have your mom talk to her...maybe it will mean more coming from someone older"

"just pray about it. pray that the lord touches her heart...helps her to understand..."

it was good to talk to her. After yesterday when all of a sudden aaron switched and said "oh yeah we should have had the wedding reception/baby shower thing at my house so more ppl could come" i thought i was going to lose it.

i thought we were going to wait a year and then have a big reception or something...

i thought we'd decided to have it here

what are you talking about a wedding reception...


I'm not going to keep doing this. Everytime a decision is made have him talk to his mother and have it all switch again. I can't do it. I'll lose my mind.

i told my mother that if this is how it's going to be then i just won't get married. i'll just stay friends with him and just worry about my baby....i can't do this. i can't live in a world where what i say means nothing - and it was never like this before. i remember a time when it was totally different...now its all changed. i won't have this as my future. i won't end up how mother was for 20 years. silent behind a man controlled by his mother.

i deserve better than that.

my baby deserves better

hell aaron even deserves better

but thats hard to say after he has been controlled by the women in his life for the last 25 years.

sometimes i wonder if aaorn is with me because he wants to be...or because his family preferred my to Option B...

and probably only because she didn't allow half of the bullshit that i did...

maybe he should have stayed and save dus both the trouble

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

this chick....smh

ok so the post below was actually from yesterday. I was trying to update, but i had to leave for one of the walks i had mentioned. I was absolutely furious!!!

well i contact my mother and let her know everythign thats going on and that MIL is asking for someone else to contact other than me. Mom says to give her cell phone number and tell MIL to call her if she wants.

So I when I get home I tell my mom about the awkward conversation and how upset I was and she was really lackluster about it. I was blown and she was just brushing it off and kept asking about baby shower plans.

Finally I called her on it and she was like "i'm not going to deal with her personality when she calls...i had a crazy mother in law. i want to be able to answer every question directly do she can't try to manipulate the situation..."

So this chick calls my mom like an hour later. i was in the house listening to the whole thing and trying to keep my comments to myself. when my mom got off the phone she was like:

"wow she's a piece of work."

She kept pushing the park idea and my mom kept saying that it was at our house and that i had already planned it out and MIl tried to say that in her famiyl baby showers are always a suprise and Mom said well Holly knows what she wants and if its a surprise she can't really pick and choose her own baby stuff. she kept pushing "well this is her first baby and we've all been there..." and MIL was like "oh...i never thought of it that way..."
it was like every time my mom told her about one decision she'd try to push somehting else.

"we're getting finger foods"
"well we wanted to make food"
"I'm buying the wedding cake"
"well IU thought I was getin gthe wedding cake"
then the kicker MIL asks "will there be alcohol?"
ummm...no...its a baby shower. maybe champage to toast their wedding...but thats probably it
"well there needs to be alcohol...thats what my family does..."

i calmed down by the time aaron got to my house but we still had a long talk about it...that i don't think its fair that i can't make any decisions about my own baby. that i've already been told where my babyshower can be, who can be invited, what my baby is dedicated in, what jewlery she can wear and what blanket she sleeps on. the way things are going i don't even want a baby shower anymore

he apologized about his mom and he wasn't very supportive when i was texting him like mad during the day...he was like "just call next time...i can't text at work."

i told him that if this is how the baby shower is i don't even want to see the first birthday. i'm not going to have alcohol there either. if its for my baby then why does everyone get drunk and what...they take a nap. wtf is that?! if its about my baby then its about them and if this shower is about me...then its about me...so why does everyone else get to get wasted and i have to just sit there and act like thats ok?

Aaron's a lot better when he's not around his mother. she's really manipulative. she's a nag and won't shut up till she gets her way. when he's at my house around my family its different. i dunno why saturday blew up the way that it did. i was really aggressive about everything and maybe that was the wrong way of dealing with the situation...but i felt like i was being backed into a corner. now sitting down and talking about it i don't want to strangle him. its better than he's not in the middle. just let me talk to her...or my mother. lol.

and the whole going through my mother bullshit. thats going to stop! i'm not going to have a grown woman telling on my to my mother when i don't do what she wants.

my mom keeps asking what lorena can buy...since it seems to be a big deal that she get something big...i told my mother it would be really big of her (MIL) if she would shut the F up and let us plan the shower"

The sad part about all of this is that I joined this message board on babycenter.com. the board is called "Dealing With you In Laws and family of origin" or DWIL as we call it for short. I used to go on and ther eand laugh thanking god that I didn't have a MIL like that. that even when she got on my nerves it wasn't that bad.

last week there was a woman who has cut off her mother in law for over stepping her position. Well MIL got upset and called the woman's mother to tell on her.


i didn't even know what to say...

and then yesterday happened.

I love my BF. I adore him and I'm really glad that he understands or is trying to understand what I am going through. I don't want to start a family war with this woman, but I'm not going to give up on things just ebcause she wants it a different way. and no one has ever gotten anytthing from my by being passive aggressive. If she wants to talk we can talk...but her going behind my back to complain to everyone else that I'm not including her in each and every one of my plans...well thats going to make me avoid you.

she's being really needy and it's kind of annoying.

let me enjoy my pregnancy.

let me enjoy the only first time of this I will ever have.

if it turns into a constant war for attention she'll win. she'll win because i'll leave and she can have all of the attention for why no one ever see the grandchild.

i'm not just anyone here...we've known each other for 4 years now. don't be surprised that I do what I've always done.

so back up and let me keep on goign

Monday, April 11, 2011


so my MIL.... I never had an issue with her before this moment.

Well let me specify and say before I was pregnant.

We actually got along really well.

We spoke all the time...even when aaron and I weren't together we spoke. and now all of a sudden things have flipped...and she's turned into a monster.

monster is rather harsh.

i don't know if i could says she's being a monster as much as she's just being passive aggressive, overbearing and needy. i think that's more specific.

she won't talk to me anymore. i mean at all. she tried calling me once and i didnt answer...but i saw her the next day.

we see each other at least once a week and yet the only time she'll talk to me is if i force a conversation out of her. and even then its on mundane issues and then once i leave you whines and complains to aaron about how she keeps trying to talk to me and that i'm avoiding her...wtf... keeps? keeps implies plural. your ass called me once.

so i called her yesterday. to talk about everything...and she's openly hostile about it.

"hey MIL" -me
"hi" -her
"how are you" -me
"oh i didn't know who this was..." -her (you get the idea)
"oh...lol...aaron says you're been trying to contact me"
"yeah i called you and you never called me back"
"oh...lol...yeah i was knocked out...but i saw you the next day"
"yeah well you didn't let me talk to you"
"oh...haha...what do you want to talk about"
"well i want to talk about the baby shower. i talked to aaron did he talk to you"
"yeah he told me some stuff what do you want to talk about"
"well what did he say"
"What do you want to talk about?!"

it was ugly. the whole conversation. it was like we kept saying the same thing over and over

"i never said you couldn't have the baby shower at my house i just found this park and thought you'd want to have it there"
"oh...lol...well i really don't want my baby shower at a park. I've talked to my mom and we're thinking about having it there"
"well i really thought you'd want to have it at a park"
"no...not really. i really want it somewhere inside and more intimate like someone's house"
"oh...well there's so much more room at the park"
"i don't want it at a park...(awkward laugh to lighten the mood)...i think we're just going to have it at my mom's house"

on and on.

she told me that i'm spending too much money and not giving anyone else a chance to buy anything. and i told her that aaron and i have been saving and i'm not spending anythign that i haven't budgeted for. the only things i bought were a crib, a stroller, which came with the carsear and a basinett.
"well you really shouldn't be spending so much money"
"its ok. we've saved for this."
"well you're buying everything and not letting anyone else buy things"
"i haven't bought everything. I bought the things i'm really particular about...there's more things to buy"
"well i really think you should be saving instead"
"oh. ok...."

i asked her who she wanted to invite and she told me she found some invitations to download for the baby shower and i told her that i've already found the ones that i want to order online and i have no problem paying for the invitations...i just need to know who she wants to invite.
"well i was only going to invite family and a few friends"
"oh ok." "but i can't because that would be too many"
"no it wouldn't. i understand my house is smaller than yours, but we're going to do it like an open house. ppl can come and chill and go as they please"
"yeah well i dunno"
"yeah. we have plenty of room. ppl can still come"
"no i don't think so..."
"so you're not going to invite the ppl you want to invite?"
"well i only was going to invite the family and some friends...but they won't all fit. so no" "they would fit..."
"no i don't think they would...i just really thought you wanted to have it in a park"
"no i really odn't want it in a park. we're going to have it at my house. you can still invite your family and friends"
"well the family is so big. you know you can still have it at our house"
"so what you're trying to say if it it was at your house you'd invite the family"
"well yeah..."
"oo...ok...well my ideal baby shower would be somehting small and intimate and we're going to have it at my house...but you can still invite your family and friends"

wtf. This bitch is crazy. she just kept going until i finally asked "are you ok? you sound kind of upset..."
"no i'm not upset."
"are you sure."
"yeah i just cna't talk about it. you know where i am"
i assumed she meant emotionally...like frustrated or overwhelmed so i said "no...i don't..."
"well holly...where did you call me at?!"
"oh....at work..."
"so you know i can't talk about it."
bitch! "well even though you're AT WORK...you still seem upset. are you sure you don't want to talk about it?!"

She blew the crap out of me. dumb ho. i was so mad i had to take a walk like twice just to calm down.

i had no problem having it at her house. but i told my mom when she all of a sudden changed her mind about the location and mom offered our house because i didn't want it at some rec center or at a park in the middle of june. we recarpeted the whole house and mom's redecorating so its homier. she's really excited about it...i'm not changing the location because she's jealous.


get over it. i told her if she wants to have something at a park then thats fine. i really only wanted one baby shower and i wanted something to bring the whole family together...but i really would prefer not having it at a park.

she's turning into a monster and she was never like this. ever since she came back from visiting her mother in florida she's been a monster...and she only wants to talk to aaron...and then she keeps demanding this family meetings with the 3 of us. i snapped at aaron "SHE'S NOT MY FAMILY...YOU ARE!!! I DON'T HAVE TO HAVE A FAMILY SIT DOWN WITH HER. she's not my mother...she's yours."

He didn't really appreciate that...but i don't appreciate her talking to me like i'm a child or telling me how and when i should spend my money. i understand that she was 22 and got pregnant by some asshole she worked with who claimed the baby wasn't his and that sucks...but thats not the situation that i'm in. aaron and i are grown and can take care of ourselves. i don't mind suggestions...but i'm not new to the rodeo...aaron and i will be fine.

Keeps fucking with me and you'll see my kid twice a year.

its going to be a long 18 years... i'm just imaging if this is how it is about the baby shower...imagine the baby's first birthday

i think i'm just going to say fuck it and move to CA with a cousin of mine. the way things are going i might not marry aaron, just because i don't want to be forced to deal with the monster-in-law for the rest of my life...

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

moving on...

i think i am reasonably over my anger...or frustration... it took me a little bit to calm down. seeing that the drama was still unfolding on monday i had to wait till tuesday to breathe a sigh of relief. no new comments it seems. nothing new to report on. not that things ahve been silent by any means but nothing that gives me the incentive to act a fool. on another note - i had to move up my doctor's appointment that had been scheduled for friday to yesterday. i feel like ever antibiotic they give me has a side effects that almost as bad if not worse than the original problem. the doctor kind of rushed me in and out. blew the crap out of me...but we'll talk about that at the next appointment. after 28 weeks they say i'll be coming in every 2 weeks. that should be interesting trying to work and take off for all of these appointments. found a date and location for the baby shower have the date for the wedding finals are next week... everything is just speeding up around me. c'est la vie.... i have nothing to complain about today

Monday, April 4, 2011

atlantic city

honey...my problem isn't with you..

you're just another girl in a passing stream. you're just a chess piece in this game aaron is playing with his friends. you could easily be replaced with someone else.

its simply the fact that the game is still going that confuses me. i'm not worried about you...other than the fact that you keep placing yourself in situations where you continuously get hurt. i don't know why you do...if this is going to be how things continue to be at least i'll know in advance. . . . . .

hell what's your address? i'll send you a personal invite to the baby shower. . don't get it twisted. . please. .

my problem is with someone else entirely... now keep writing about my online...then we might have to talk... you let me know...eh? . .

xoxo .

-Holly . . .

question: "ur marrying him...why are you still worried about me?"
. answer: "i'm not. but i'm marrying him...so why are you still chasing after him like a bitch in heat?

Friday, April 1, 2011

22 weeks 1 day

i actually checked out if i ever get views. i've never done that before. I was surprised that i do. not many...i don't expect a lot. i sense that most melodramatic blogs are similar. maybe i should start writing better. something less dramatic...or more dramatic... something daring an adventure... but unfortunately this is the first real adventure i've ever been on...and i'm trying to find my footing through it all. lets see...what can i update. i'm huge. i can no longer see my feet. i don't know if its due to my boobs or my belly or a strange combination of the two. i've been wearing sneakers for the past week. i can't imagine bending down to find my flats...and for some reason my heels hurt. the things ppl never tell you about pregnancy i need better shoes. i'm thinking about buying some sperrys. i've heard they're amazing for your feet and i need something better than the cheap flats i've been wearing since college. the only thing is i have a slight hatred of the shoes. ok maybe not the shoes...i've never worn them so i can't really have an opinion of the shoe...but rather of the memory of the first time i saw aaron in them and the story of his sponsor buying them for him eh. i just don't want to give him incentive to wear them again one day i'm going to get over my disgust.

hopefully around the time that i wear these shoes.
i bought a rocking chair for the house. invested in a couch and set up my room/nursery. things are really coming together. aaron is moving in in June. it would be earlier if we moved up the wedding, but i really want to keep it on our anniversary in a snap he told me he didn't understand why it had to be that day. "we broke up...that was the past. what we have going on now has nothing to do with then..that anniversary doesn't mean anything..." "so the past 3 years don't mean anything either?" he was silent then. just looked at me. if it was up to him we would have just gone to the courthouse in April and kept things moving. he doesn't want anything big....but he has a family of 573...nothing is every small... we'll see what happen. grrr...baby is kicking...gotta pee....maybe i'll update later