silent screams

I had a long talk with a girl who works here.

it made me want to lock my hair and stage a revolution

that feeling rarely happens to me...but it did

in that moment that she told me that moving ahead was going to be harder. That excelling in this area near impossible, and i felt my heart crack a little.

she asked me when i graduated

:may of last year:

::and you worked before here::

:yeah in doctor's offices...but its different. like i expect patients to be ignorant...but not here. this is govt:

she just looked at me. Sad eyes on a proud face.

i envy her a little. Her pride. Her security. she told me that someone told her she wasn't being promoted because it didn't look like she cared about her job.

she said

::I get sad. i mean i want to cry...but you can't...you know what i mean...you can't show them you're weak. but i have something that can't say anything about. i have my education. i'm smart. they can't say anything about that::

she told me stories about how her manager wiped down her computer after she touched it. or didn't want to shake her hands

she just shrugged and said

::its because i'm natural::

and i've never feel so ashamed for natural hair.

i never realized how much i've conformed.


and when rikia turned to krystal and said

:::its different for her. she can fit it...no offense:::

i wanted to scream.

I wanted to shout and say

i know how it feels to be discriminated against. i know how it feels to be looked over. i might not show it but i do. i know how it hurts. and i know not to cry and i though that maybe

just maybe

this would be a place when i could belong


she didn't hear my mind she just said

:::well i dunno. she's curvy though. if she'd interviewed with di she wouldn't have gotten it:::

and there it is again.

we're back....to that.


i guess i'm destined to be trapped in a box. not the one i'd expect. not the one i'd want.


but i guess we're here again