Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

baby shower debrief

So my baby shower was last weekend. Things actually went rather smoothly. I was expecting the worst possible scenario and thankfully it never occurred.

mind you that doesn't mean that MIL wasn't acting out or that the ILs weren't antisocial OR that Aaron's friends were pains...it simply means that no one got shot.

I accidentally planned the shower on the same day as Caribbean carnival. typical. we had chosen the date for after our anniversary as we were going to get married and announce it at the shower. the wedding plans turned into something bigger than either of us wanted so we cancelled...and hated each other...and broke up...and then eloped before anyone cold tell us what they though we should do.

his mother was upset...as to be expected. she said something to the extent of "well you know what you're getting into..." which i took more as a warning than a congratulations...

aaron told me that she whined before i got there "i wanted to beeee there....was holly's mom there? why didn't you teeeeellllll me?"

aaron was very straightforward. or so he told me. "it was just the two of us. no one knew. we just wanted the two of us there."

"well i wanted to be there"

"if you were there everyone would have to be there"


so that was last wednesday. she didn't find out until thursday. the shower was on saturday.

my aunt came from california to be there. she finally met ani who performed for the crowd. Tuck and Tosin hosted and did a great job of dealing with me as mother-zilla and keeping the crowd moving.

aaron's mother's contribution was a cake and it was huge. and milky. and not sweet...aaron loved it. i would have worn it as a dress...or a hat...wasn't too fond of the flavor. his family came and stayed to themselves mainly. i think they were waiting for a big wedding announcement that never came.

only one aunt and one uncle (and his wife) came of his entire family. that was aggravating. his cousin and his wife came. a bunch of my friends who said they would be there was all of a sudden MIA...bitches... his cousins didn't come. 2 aunts didn't come...and his sister actually showed up 3 hours late - her excuse "she went to the pool"

are you for real? you only have one baby shower in your life time...and you were too busy to actuall yact right and come to your brother's?if it had been at his house and had a whole bunch of patron i bet everyone would have made a way up there...

anyway. wade and richard came late as usual. wade had RSVPed saying he wasn't going to make it cuz he was going to be out of town...and then suddenly remembered that he was actually gone on antoher weekend and didn't tell anyone as a "surprise" -___-


He wanted me to read his card out loud. some nonsense about "i couldn't believe it when you said you were having a baby...but hey if anyon one should it may as well be you."


he also made an announcement after the gifts "i couldn't believe it when aaron said he was having a baby, but i have an announcement. i'm having a baby too....in 5 years...ha ha ha"


he's so wack

my mother was like "that tall one was annoying...and immature. so was the short one (richard)"

they came as we were handing out prize awards and MIl tried to stop everything so that they could play the games. it was too late...and we weren't having it.

are you forreal? the shower started at 1...your ass showed at 4...we're not restarting everything for 2 ppl...

MIL bought a bunch of onsies that say "I LOVE DADDY" and a frame that she showed me months ago that she said she was keeping for herself. and then gave us a toddler car seat.

i have no problem with the carseat...please don't get my wrong. thank you...

but seeing as we have at least 6 months before she'll be in it i don't understand why she got it for us. This woman demanded a list of 4 or 5 things that we wanted for her to pick from...and then in the end ignored it and did what she wanted.

not surprised...

its typical honestly...

its annoying...

she complained to my aunt about us getting married

she bragged to mom about how her bf works night and day

she tripped in her too high heels and almost busted her ass...

and she left right after the presents were opened.

oh and wade hit on morgan. lol.

lets see...the next day we went and picked up some of aaron's clothes since he's slowly but surely moving out. she wasn't too excited about that and wanted us "all on the same page" about it. aaron never made any definite answers as to what he was doing...

she hasn't been calling him like she used to

his sister isn't talking to either one of us again...

i haven't heard from either one of them...but they stopped talking to me around the time that i got pregnant...

...and/or stopped agreeing to everything they said

i'm enjoying the silence and preparing for the worst possible case scenario. but who knows when that will happen...

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

i never thought i'd feel this way

i keep typing posts, but not posting them.

i think i'm going to try to be a littl emore positive these days. I don't want to look back on my pregnancy and only remember my complaints

i honestly love the little jumps and kicks from the little one inside of me. its comforting to know she's there. maybe no one will understand the feeling...but its like you're never alone. that for your entire life she's been there waiting for just the right time to make herself known.

and i can't wait to meet her.

her personality already seems like so much fun.

he kicks are strong...and while i cringe i'm glad she's strong. i'm glad she is adament. i'm glad that she wants to be known and i hope she come sout just as strong and independent as she already is here.

he dances to music. lol. its sweet to feel her kicking as soon as music starts playing. she pushes against things i'm leaning on. She has one little foot lodged under my ribs and when i lay some where she doesn't like she pushes up to make me move. as if already i need to remember to accomodate her first.

she hiccups at night...and now in the morning. a rhythmic motion just above my pelvis and todayi thik i felt her little tummy at the same time. i never felt that before.

i can feel her playing with her fingers. a gently tickle on my hips as she opens and closes her fingers trying to figure out where she is.

she pushes her little butt or knees around...right under my belly button. and as i'm layind dwon in bed i can lift my shirt and see her repositioning herself to be more comfortable in the little womb she has made her own.

she wakes up when her daddy tells her too. never when i do...

i dream of what she'll look like. i wonder how tall she'll be. if she'll be shy like her father or out spoken like her mother. if she'll have my butt. his nose. who's hair?

i have a thousand and one questions about here that i'll only learn in time...and i can't wait to learn them

and at the same time that i'm ready to meet her and see her and hold her in my arms as i have in my womb for all these weeks...i want to keep her inside of me...to protect her within me...hold her where no one can take her from me.

this will be the only time that she is with me 100% of the time...and i'll never get that back.

i'll never have complete say over her when she's born...and i'll have to learn to share her...and care for her differently than how i've been able to while i cared for myself.

i want to give her the world...but i want her to learn to work for it too.

i want to make her life easier than mine ever was.

and i want all of her dreams to come true

and if i have to fight heaven and hell to protect her i will....

and while i'm almost ready for her to come...i'll miss her here...i'll miss this feeling to being one. i'll miss it when she's gone.

i never thought i'd feel this way...

Thursday, June 16, 2011

1 year later

This time last year is when it all began again. I wish I sill had the emails that I could share with you. The ups and downs of our rollercoaster relationship. lol

Aaron's being released from the hospital today.

He went in on Monday 6/13 for a knee surgery. Well officially a knee anthroscopy, SCAN, ACL reconstruction. it was supposed to be an in and out procedure. It ended up being 3 days in the hospital.

He surgery took 3 hours. we went in at 11:30 his surgery started around 2 and ended around 3. He wasn't released from PACU until 11:53PM. His blood pressure shot through the roof and his heart rate wouldn't go down. we thought that everything would calm down over night and he'd come home in the morning. Well tuesday rolls around and the pain medicines aren't working and his heart rate is still high. So they keep him another night. Wednesday his heart rate started going down, but they realized that his lungs are not filling to capacity...leading to the high temperature and heart rate...he went from 108 at noon to a 125 when he was checked again around 3...that a full CAT scan and they decided to keep him again over night.

Today he's being released.

He text me (he finally has his phone 3 days later) saying he was on his way home.

Its been a long couple of days. hopefully he'll be able to get some rest at home. He doesn't like hospitals in general and officially doesn't like having to stay there alone over night...or with a roommate over night.

Recovery is going to be hard. We had assumed he would be on crutches for a week and then walking after wards. they told him instead he'll be off his leg for 6-8 weeks. they also mentioned his sports days might be over...he was high on morphine at the time and doesn't rememebr that. i'm not going to be the one to remind me.

Its hard to seeing him in pain. Its hard to seeing him in a hospital. It's hard seeing him helpless. I told him no more surgeries. purely for selfish reasons...i can't handle the stress of him being weak...Hopefully having him at home will make it easier. On both of us...

hopefully having it at him will make it better...

its been an interesting 9 months...lol.

its been an interesting year...

i can't wait to see what else life has in store for us.

Monday, June 6, 2011

over it

so i've come to realize that maybe its not just because of me...this whole angry pregnancy thing. i thought it was hormones. i thought i just wasn't made for it. i thought maybe i was doing something wrong all along...

i've never seen someone so over pregnancy as i have been for the past 6 months of my life...ok maybe not 6...maybe 5 or 4....just months of being pissed and alone and upset about everything from the additonal weight to the ridiculous drama.

now i've realized it more likely the situation that i'm in...and i'm totally over that now.

everything from march on ward has been dramatic. every decision from baby shower colors to christening gowns has been a dig discussion on who should be the one who makes the decision. hell even the god parents turned into a point of contention

and i'm over it...

i've over the nonsense.

i have been on an emotional rollercoaster due to hormones and in laws for longer than i can possibly stand...and i'm over it

from this point on...i'm not dealing with it. i'm black holing everything that is going to stress me out. i'm ignoring everything that is negative and ignorant. i'm walking away from anything that is going to turn a decision that we've made into a family discussion

i'm not dealing with it.

maybe after all of the hormones have left my system...when people have realized i'm not a child...when ppl grow up and educate themselves...then i'll be able to handle the stress...

but i'm simply not dealing with it anymore

fuck being the bigger person...

i'm just going to be the pregnant one...i think i deserve at least that...