Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

after all

do you ever stop to think about what you were doing a year ago? to think about how many things have changed.

what you thought you'd be doing now....where you thought you'd be...

who you'd be with...

i was thinking of that yesterday. Last year on memorial day i was driving back from Black Beach Week with Isata and Veronica. It hadn't been the vacation I had imagined. It had been fun, dont get me wrong...but it had been lacking in something.

everything had changed shortly after that.

the next weekend i was at the beach with gaby and christeenna

the 2 week later at ocean city with aaron....and the rest it history...

but i don't know if i imagined myself here.

i don't regret any decisions that i've made. i'm not disappointed in my life at all...i don't want you to read this and think that i'm complaining or finding fault...i'm just finding...

....i dunno...finding myself i guess....

in everythign that has happened...i'm finding where i am in it all.

and where i thought i'd be...

Monday, May 23, 2011

the grass is always greener

So my borther graduated on saturday. It was a beautiful day for a graduation in UVa is a gorgeous campus. Its like stepping back in time...or into a catalogue...or a onto a movie set. There must have been a dress code of khaki's and sun dresses and I failed to receive the memo.

It reminded me a lot of McDaniel. The small town vibe, even though Charlottesville would eat Westminster for lunch, the county club visitors, the trees. lol. it was nice to visit...it makes me want to get back into school.

The cobblestone was next to impossible for aaron and his crutches...the crowd was next to impossible for me and my stomach, the heat was simply impossible for my mother.

we were able to watch the smaller MBA graduation at the Darden school. nothing too hectic as we chose our seats earlier than my father's arrival with his family. I was luck enough not to see them at all...my mother however ran straight into them as my father ran straight into a pole...

i wish i made these things up.

my brother seemed as shocked as the rest of us about them being in attendance. we had all been dreading the family dinner that he requested, but upon finding out that his other mother was there is simply stated "i'm going to dinner with you, mom. i never intended to go eat with them"

Dinner was nice. It was good to see Trevor relaxed and happy. He is moving to CA at the end of June, just staying long enough for the wedding. He showed us around his apartment and told us about the work he'll be doing...or at least what he think he'll be doing.

I slept for the drive up and the drive back. I was lucky enough to never have to drive. Aaron did most of that...mainly because he doesn't trust anyone else behind the wheel. after watching my mother drive...I can understand why.

the real interesting part of the weekend was the graduation party on the saturday before trevor's graduation. One of Aaron's cousin's graduated and everyone came over for a free for all at his house. There was a lot of touching and questions and advice being freely thrown out...as usual. There was also a bit of a confrontation over pictures as I had previously stated I didn't want taken. i don't care if you consider my child YOURS...as I'm the one carrying them and I said no...then stop and let it go.

MIL didn't appreciate that...but she got over it. or she moved away from me.

I spent most of the night talking to the girlfriend and wife of some of the cousins. it was nice to know that i'm not alone in the random feeling of being "on-the-outside"

I'd never felt that way before...but now there has been a clear division drawn in the sand...and i'm not begging to cross it...i hope they realize my child is staying on myside of the line and they can go suck it.

it was funny. the GF should fit in the most. being hispanic...but her claim to fame is that she's Pentecostal and has no interest of converting. The Wife is protestant as well and black...a double negative for her. she also doesn't drink much and doesn't join in on arguments with the rest of the family.

she's always just stayed to herself.

I asked her how she deals with boundaries. She laughed and we shared Monster-in-law stories for the rest of the night.

family members kept trying to intrude...to find out what it was that we whispered about in dark corners...some sort of fear of the black ppl uniting. we didn't let it stop us...and once we finally were separated i left shortly after.

i feel like boundaries are going to be an on going issue in my life from this point forward. i get it...i accept it...but i'm not going to have ppl walk all over me and i'm not going to allow ppl to think that i'm ok with it. i don't care what hte family has been doing since the dawn of time...thats not how i'm doing it.

if that means we have to stay on the outskirts so be it.

i was actually thinking today. i was trying to figure out how it is that i never realized that they were so over bearing. i think i always knew...its just that they were overbearing to me. they were all in aaron's life. they judged his decisions. they called him dumb and told him what to do...but i just assumed thats the relationship they had with him and that was fine...most of the time his decisions were a little dumb and i appreciated that they cared...

but now that the opinions are pointed at me...its different. i'm not a child. and i'm not really in this family. i don't need your suggestions and i don't particularly care for your opinions. i'm not having family sit downs and i'm not explaining my decision making...its not a discussion its a statement...

they're not going to like me very much...


i don't particularly give a shit...

it was strange at one point...while discussing the differences in W's MIL and my own she said "i think its just different. MIL and Husband never had that close relationship. they were never cute and cuddly. its funny. i would look at your MIL and think 'Why couldn't she be my MIL"

"honey, the grass is always greener on the other side..."

Thursday, May 19, 2011

lesson learned

So it's official. Aaron's ACL is torn.

like gone.



he went into the emergency room on sunday and they said he'd need an MRI and referred him to Dr. Rudzki with Washing Sports Medicine (totally might not be his name). He's a really nice guy. He was enthralled by Aaron, as most slightly athletic white men are...he walks in a room and they want to give hima high five for some reason. The doctor explained the inner workings of his knee as well as the possible outcomes. He used football analogies that threw me off, but drew pictures, which I have been recreating as I explin the situation to ppl.

He tried to feel around aaron's knee to see if he could figure out what was going on without an MRI...

the result "ok. so here's the situation...you're a really big guy- with really strong hamstrings...i start tuggin gon you and without realizing you flex. i have no idea whats going on there...we'll schedule and MRI"

His MRI was scheduled for tuesday - not even going to get into that phone tag... he went in and Evan, the redheaded technician broke it down "your ACL is gone"


so the next appointment is on the 27th...i have me 2 week appointment and aaron has another consultion to discuss options and to check on the swelling in his knee...

hopefully we can work out some sort of plan...

lesson from this: HEALTH INSURANCE IS A MUST...especially if you play sports...

Monday, May 9, 2011

::fingers crossed::

So Aaron tore his ACL...well perhaps not tore...but injured. severely injured.

He's been MIA since Thursday night. laid out and uncomfortable. poor kid.

*flash back*

thursday he had his first scrimmage with the Metro Nemesis. He had been looking forward to the game all week, so much so that he got in numerous arguments with our pastor over the scheduling of our next premarital counseling session which was supposed to be on Wednesday, but Aaron refused as the scrimmage was scheduled for thursday and the first preseason game for saturday.

I had started making my weekend plans, knowing that he would be in and out with the team all saturday...I was too bored to stay home on thursday and I knew if he had a game he would end up staying home for the rest of the night. I called him and asked if i could hitch a ride to the game. he warned me I'd be bored..seeing that the alternative would be sleeping from the moment I get home until the next day i said I'd prefer the boredom of the game.

I headed to his house around 6:30 PM and we headed to the field in DC. We got there around 7:30 and i posted up in the stands with my pashmina as a jacket and my newest romance novel as a companion as he went to get ready.

the Team started warming up around 8:00 PM. I searched out Aaron, who can usually be spotted due to his Palumalo locks...but he was on the sideline getting suited up.

8:15 the Team has stopped running and has begun the customary lounges and squats...Aaron is still getting dressed

8:30 the team begins practice drills. Aaron begins to enter the field and start practicing

(please note that he did not warm up)

the game started around 9:00PM. black ppl....why say the game starts at 6:30 if its not supposed to start until 9:00 is beyond me...it just continues to show ppl that if they're late that things will be rescheduled to better fit into their schedules instead of the teams. w/e

9-9:15 they scrimmage with the Offense in. I can't tell if the Nemesis offense sucks or if the other defense is just amazing...

around 9:15 defense heads in. Aaron playing middle line backer.

play 2 - aaron runs up left field, attempts a quick dodge to cut off a player, his foot stays planted, his knee dodges left. he falls. rolls and stops.

30 seconds pass where he stays on the ground.

no movement.

on his back.

the coach comes out

the trainer comes out

the players take a knee...

i grab my bag and start down the bleachers...

he couldn't even put weight on his knee. at the time i wasn't sure if it was his knee or his ankle. his ankles have been bothering him for a few weeks now. he hasn't really mentioned his knee...but alas...we all hoped his ACL or MCL weren't torn...and as his has to medical insurance fingers are crossed the rest and ice will do the trick...

its day 4....he's on crutches. the swelling has gone down. he now says there is a sharp pain on the inside of his knee whenever he puts weight on his leg.

its going to be a long week...all we can do is pray that its just a sprain. there's not much else we can do...