i wish i was making this stuff up

my sister thinks i should create a blog: big booty in the dmv.

after telling her the stories of my life on a daily basis- its only fair that i share them with everyone else, but i think that i rant here enough for now.

i even called my brother after the latest debacle.

i didn't mean to rant to him- i would never rant to my brother, about men, but he had been asking me about pursuing a girl and while meghan could tell him everything to do right- i could only everything NOT to do. He kept looking at me like i was crazy

"who would do that?"

"blank stare"

than friday, as if on clockwork everything fell right into place- come. follow me on my journey.

i left work early on friday. My boss has been out of town all week and finally my coworker told me to just leave already- there was nothing to do and no need to have us just sitting here looking at each other for the rest of the day. I left at 3 rather than 4- so the crowd on the metro was entriely different. A new dynamic all together.

i squeezed onto the redline, which was inordinately filled for a 3pm on friday and noticed a gentleman looking at me from across the row. tall, fair, thin (no where near my usual type) and i glanced and looked away. i keep berating myself for being mean. i don't mean to be. i think its because i'm actually dreafully shy when it comes to men. awkwardly intimidated by nothing. i push them off to prevent any sort of awkward conversation...but i steeled myself remembering how someone had once told me "you never know who's falling in love with your smile" (corny...but i tend to think of the nice things he used to tell me because those nice things are so few and far between these days...)

anyway i looked back. eye contact. small smile. back to looking out the window.

i knew he was looking. i'm used to the feeling of eyes

he switched sits- playing to chess game that is seating on the metro. rook to black 12. queen to white 7. long story short i end up a row away behind him. he's been on the phone for the entire train ride, but there is still no slick way of turning to look at someone behind you. he turns and gestures

::do you have a pen::

i look. no pen ::shakes head::

he asks the women ahead of me. one no. one yes. he turns back around. i'm curious of course. i'm intrigued.

as he gets up to leave, he walks by me and slips me a note, written on a postit. i open it and inside it says

(240) ###-####

Mr. Right

i can't help but laugh. hilarious. original. perfect.

i called my brother. i told my sister. i put it on twitter. i just couldnt' get enough of the best pick up line i'd ever seen.

my sister pleaded for me to call. i waited of course. until after the wedding on saturday (i have to tell that story at another time...probably later today)

i text (its the era of text anyway)

-goodnight Mr. Right-

he responds

-lol-

and then calls.

this is where everything fell apart

so he calls. the usual hellos, do you have a name. mark. hi mark. uh huh. i'm 23. oh today's your 23rd bday. aw you're young. happy birthday.

"so what school do you go to?"
"o. i graduated"
"no, i meant
college"
"yeah....so did i" ::silence::

ok moving on.

"yeah i got two more years at Montgomery College."
"oh..." (montgomery college is only a two year school...but i didn't say
anything)

o...k....moving on.... he went on to justify that not everyone was meant for a 4 year college. that he wanted to work with his hands instead. i wasn't judging...i wasn't.

anyway

"you got any tattoos"
"no"
"why not?"
"i can't figure out what i would want to have on my body for the rest of my
life"
"what about a butterfly"
"umm...that doesn't mean anything..."
"i got 10 tattoos"
"yeah. you have one on your hand"
"oh i see you were investigating me..."
"hahaha"
"i thought i had on long sleeves"
"yeah you did...but did you have on gloves?"
"no"
"yeah...i said your hand. not your arm"

hmmm....ok...and now onto the kicker

"you know...i don't mean this in a rude way, but i just want to let you
know i think you have curves in all the right places"
::stop::
::silence::
::drops head:: typical

i seem to have this awkward affect on men. i don't really know how. or why. or what...but its as if as soon as they see me they revert back to cavemen days...they immediately lose their ability to speak in correct sentences and speak eloquently. just suddenly all they think is
butt...boobs...sex...now...

i feel sorry for Marilyn Monroe growing up. and supposedly she was dreadfully shy too.

i then called my brother at midnight to rant about the nonsense that occured. he thought it was all a joke and called me back an hour later once he woke up and couldn't believe it even then.


only in my life....

only in my life.

*edit*

prime example. a conversation with my ex on gchat

Tyler: ok
well
if anything you know a hot guy is extremely attracted to your body
me: yeah...i get that a lot. i wouldn't mind to have a hot guy extremely attracted to my mind
Tyler: well im in to that too, I want to call you and talk to you on the phone, but you wont let me
Sent at 12:43 PM on Monday
Tyler: :-(
sad face
me: lol
Tyler: but there is also a part of me that wants to grab you by the hips and
me: ok...