Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

lets just be friends

so the building where i work is its own self sufficient community.

i'm pretty sure if there was a blizzard (again) and i was forced to stay here...we would probably go for months before needing outside help. its pretty amazing...and just a little bit scary.

we have everything from 2 cafeterias, a full gym, gift store and beauty salon within two building connected by an underground tunnel and numerous police officers who's jobs are to stand at attention at every entrance.

they make my life a living hell since i don't have an ID yet so I have to sit and stare at them for a couple of hours every morning till someone is able to escort me to my desk.

but other than that this place is pretty amazing

on other news...i got rejected yesterday. like full on kick in the gut rejected.

i think the novelty of me has just worn off....its time for a new polish or something

he said
"first and foremost, i have to apologize. personally, i thought that i could
conjure up past feelings that i felt towards you but am unsure of any potential
between us. the initial thought excited me but shortly thereafter, as time
passed, that thought and the excitement it carried faded."

which was then followed by an adendum to try to make me feel better:
"i have realized one thing over the course of the past 3-4 months and its that
any idea of commitment, relationship, etc. actually terrifies me.

and finally if not only to add insult to injury but to allude to something else entirely:

"i have been single for over six years and recognize that i need to unlearn some
things for me to actually see myself in a relationship, or maybe i just have to
come across the "right" woman to lead me towards that. nonetheless, i am sorry.
it also has not helped that in the past 2 months, my sexual urges have increased

and if that wasn't bad enough he ended it all with
"i hope we can still be friends though."

So yeah. my sister and i had to have a long talk about it. i mean don't get me wrong i said my piece as well. we both had crushes on completely different people. The person I always cared about was this shy poet who couldn't tell me how he felt...but when he got on stage he became something else...he could take on the world with one hand tied behind his back.

if he had ever just told me what he wrote to me...that would have been it. i wanted both. I wanted his courage and his insecurities and i wanted to envelope them and distinguish and enflame and create something else with us both...but he's created soemthing else at this point.

he said that he has gone through a transformation and during that he learned a lot about himself...that being shy hindered him (which was true) and now that he's lost all of the weight that all these girls he used to like have come out fo the wood work interested in him now and he know why...

but i hope he knows that wasn't me. don't categorize me with them. because i've always been here...always. and to tell you the truth i preferred you before.

i told him i really wasn't looking for a relationship right now. I have an amazing tendency to get stuck in really bad ones when its up to me...or not up to me since i tend to go for men who make all of the answers and never ask any of the questions to begin with.

I think i was just looking for someone who cared. and who saw


and now what they wanted to see when they looked at me.

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