for no apparent reason for a couple of minutes before starting again like nothing happened. It's kind of starting to freak me out. Like it knows that i'm doing something i shouldn't be doing.
it wouldn't turn off on monday. like not at all. everytime i'd click the button it was just reopen like that was the command i was asking for.
i think i should name him. something mercurial and slightly rude with a tendency to being useful and a habit of being annoying
i can't even think of an appropriate name yet...but just give me some time.
I've started a new diet. I'm always hungry...but i'm seeing results which is nice. My friend's wedding is in May and I'll be seeing people i haven't seen since school ended and I'd love to look better than i had when i was miserable my last couple months of school.
oh and he'll be there.
I haven't really spoken to him. Well we were texting pretty regularly, but seeing that I text almost everyone in my phone book during office hours thats nothing abnormal. I guess I could blame it on the 3 hour time difference or the simple fact that he's not as interested in me as he was 3 years ago...or that he thinks that Im over after him due to his new look...or that i stole him away from teh crush he had on my old coworker...or he's only after me for my body and no longer my mind
but all of those are so crushing...I think i never let anything happen because i was terrified. I've never really talked to anyone that I thought
if things end with this person...everything will change. How I view myself, how iview the world. my own intelligence is at stake here...
i found an old poem i wrote him years ago...when i told him that to a certain extent
words are all i have
and all i'll keep
and i've kept yours
sometimes i want to kick myself for the bad decisions i make when it comes to men.
but i just have to keep in mind that if anything had happened everything would be different.
and i can't be mad as to where i've ended up...or anyone one else for that matter. its just a part of growing up i guess.
i wonder if now...years later...if we can still end up on the same page we were on years ago.
like could we take these characters and replant them in chapter 5 and see what happens? probably not...but this chapter aught to be interesting...
i'm interested in seeing where this chapter goes