i'm still here

my niece's favorite song is "marching to zion" I find it absolutely adorable that she immediately quiets down as soon as she hears someone start off with the melody

come we that love the lord
and let our joys be known

she opens those big brown eyes of yours and purses her little rosebud mouth and just stares at you...or the one person not signing as if urging them to join in

join in the song of sweet accord
join in the song of sweet accord

and then as the song progresses she leans forward in your arms as if trying to get closer the words and simply hums along with you

and thus surround the throne
and thus surround the throne

and when she hears the chorus coming she bounces...just slightly and smiles that toothless, drolly grin and sings with you (or grunts depending on what you think it sounds like

we're marching to Zion
beautiful, beautiful Zion;
we're marching upward to Zion,
the beautiful city of God.

i really like when life comes full circle. when something that happens today seems to soothe the pains of something that happened years ago...and when my niece fell in love with this song thats how it felt.



my father was a pastor at a church named Zion. He preached there for almost 10 years before he left...with my sunday school teacher. they have a 2 year old now...and leave maybe 45 minutes away...but the miles of heartbreak are never really ending.



i can't remember the last day i went to Zion. i blocked out so many of those days...it was just...shame...or embarrassment...or hurt that a felt walking in and out of those doors.



for years i couldn't even look down the street where it was located.



none of us could





but on every 3rd sunday the men's choir used to sing. they would meet in the back of the church during morning devotion and right before they began to march in they would start. quietly at first...building in strength..."we're marching to Zion"....



i used to love those days. the surprise of them...even though you knew they were coming...the strength in their voices, their character, their black masculinity...everything i wished my father was...and what i wished my future held.



and when we left that illusion burned with it...





until the day my niece smiled at the sound of that song.



it was as if the lord was trying to tell me something..like a soft whisper in the wind

be patient...i'll make it work. it's not over yet.

...i'm still here...

then let our songs abound,

and every tear be dry;

we're marching through Emmanuel's ground

we're marching through Emmanuel's ground

to fairer worlds on high

to fairer worlds on high

we're marching to zion...