sigh

my attitude has just been stank for the last couple of days

i would say my period was coming...but its really not. i should be moody all next week. i have 2 weeks before i should even be having this on coming feelings.

i was blaming it on the lack of blood from the fiasco that was tuesday. (i donated...relax...) and then on wednesday it was the lack of drivign skills of people residing in or around the dc metropolitan area...but today? i just woke up stank today.

emotional over my own fears i guess.

i dunno



aaron keeps asking if i'm pregnant. of course i would be able to tell at this exact moment. he says its because he's always tired. when jordana got pregnant he was always tired like this.

absolutely irrational justification...

i had a smart alek response.

well maybe you should check with that other girl

you know those jokes that you know are going to be funny one day. like hilarious when you look back years later and think of them... this is one of those. one day we'll both have shti and giggles about these days

today however is not that day

and i can't seem to stop telling the joke.




and not i can't stop thinking of her. the girl who so gracefully bowed off the stage and vanished from everywhere but my own subconcious. what if...

what if she was...

what if i hadn't..

what if she had...

or he had...

or any other what if...



and i'm trying to trust and believe and have faith...and not worry

but i wonder if when he looks at me he compares me to her the way he would look at her and compare her to me...



i wonder if i come up wanting as she had...




i wonder how i've digressed so quickly...




i wonder if i'll ever grow up again...