as usual

so i must be PMSing, but i can't control my moodswings this week...

i just walked away from losing my mind over something that on a regular basis wouldn't have even been a speck of lint on my shoulder.

my boss is leaving. the person who hired me for the position that i have- he was only on detail and i love him like there is no tomorrow...but his detail is up and he's going back home...and i'm sad.

we set up the luncheon for him. planned the table set up, laid out the plates...i walked away and another women remade the entire room.

i knew she was going to do it. she kept walking in with her needless commentary

(we've already talked about how i feel about that)

and as soon as i left the room she did what she'd been waiting to do...now there's chaos...and my eyes are watering and i'm pissed...

i decided to skip on lunch to avoid the inevitable.

its not even that serious...but i guess it all started yesterday



i had lunch with an old friend from highschool...and he's nothing like how i remember him...or maybe he's everything like how i remember him and it was sad that i realized why we aren't friends anymore- won't be friends anymore

and i came home to pictures of aaron's new gf on my computer


and i died a little inside



just crumpled and melted away.



and spoke to his cousin and told her

i wish i knew how to stop loving him

and

its not fair that she get him after everything i did

and

its not fair that i don't know how to let go

and i hated her. her extraordinary height. her wig. her bad teeth. the fact that no one liked her...but that wouldn't give him back to me...the way he was in the beginning...the way he was when i fell in love with him

it wouldn't make me forget anything...it wouldn't let me

and i couldn't stop...

and thats when the tears started...after everything. after everything...there i was again...crying my heart out for him...again


i guess somethings never change

sometimes they're not meant to