edited

you must not remember- but
You were so large.
your dreams large
your hopes large
your expectation larger than me\
my world gulfed in comparison to your….plans…at 19
you made me tiny in comparison

you wanted political revolutions
economic change
sudden and abrupt cultural equality
how could I possibly
explain
my dreams
when i yearned for
picket fences and sunday mornings
and love

you expected so much from a child
I’d never seen so much
before
you

the air around you made me tired
your explanations
exhausting
for a girl afraid of
failure
you were too much of a risk
for me heart
- - - -

the bittersweet taste of rejections
I’m accustomed to it
I can’t imaging my coffee with it missing there
thank you for reminding me of its flavor

I guess I needed that
in a way
to keep me grounded
and yourself elevated
the irony of our situation is lost
on no one

- - -

you carry me so often
i'd think i'd dated you
but only for the simple
fact
that i don't know what
flavor
your lips come in

so i just noticed that i had the same blog

on here twice, so i had to change it

not really an entry as much as pieces that

i haven't figured out where they fit, but

i guess it fits inwith what was going on when i

posted the last couple of blogs

oops... i need to pay better attention

05/25

-me-

stuck

i dream about this guy sometimes....and i really shouldn't be surprised when its happened because once in a while it just does.

and the dreams are always so real...like i read the text messages. i feel the hugs. the breeze carries a smell.

and i always remember them in the morning.


this first one caught me off guard. he interrupted another dream all together. just walked straight into it and up to me and said

::hola mija::

i text him in the morning to find out what that meant. he asked me why i asked that...i had to tell him he was there...last night...with me...


more recently there text messages

::i regret not dancing::

i woke up reaching for my phone...knowing they weren't actually there. i wanted to call and ask him what my dream meant.



i never would. i still have the last message we sent me

:i hope we can still be friends:



i wish we could have

i'm secretly in love
with the memory of you
and everything you always
meant to me
but i could never allow
myself to have

i wish i would have let myself

i've fallin in love
with the thought of
who....................you
.........once were
and i can't reconcile with with
...who....................you..........ve
..........become

it hurts to know i'm always too ...............................late
....to have what i deserve
i deserve you then
....but too afraid that you'd
realize i was no where
......................................................................................................near
who i am now
and you're........gone . . .
the irony of our situation
is................we'll............never
.....meet.............in..................the
.........................................................m......i.......d.......d............l...........e

i'm just stuck
.........in love you with.............................then

give me the moon

I dunno. I expect more from you I guess
demand more from you than from other ppl

like from him I can expect a smile
and from him…I dunno maybe dinner

but from you…I want the world
no the moon
the new moon
on a chain of Milky Way
nestled near my heart
to remind me of you
when you’re far away
and if anyone could deliver
it would be you

and I expect it

is the plural os status stati?

In honor of National Poetry Month I think I'm going to make all of my status' a poem...this will probably mean i won't update my status as much as i used to...but it will keep me reading.

today I choose:

Nikki Giovanni
Ever been kidnapped
by a poet
if i were a poet
i'd kidnap you
put you in my phrases and meter

You to jones beach
or maybe coney island
or maybe just to my house
lyric you in lilacs
dash you in the rain
blend into the beach
to complement my see

Play the lyre for you
ode you with my love song
anything to win you
wrap you in the red Black green
show you off to mama y
eah if i were a poet i'd kid
nap you

i just wanted you to know

you know its a slow day in the office if i upload twice...but seeing that I probably won't blog over the weekend , lets just say i'm making up for it now,

sometimes i wonder if you ever loved me
if they ever loved me
or simply lvoed the perfect person that i created for them.

i think i read the art of seduction at too young an age...because when I meet someone i subconsiously study them
what their aspirations are,
their dreams...............................their goals.................................their fears and
i watch myself perform the incredible feat of becoming
.....................exactly
....................................................................what
..........................they've always wanted

How could they not be impressed by the creation of their ideal woman
in a 5 foot package
of exaggerated curves
and ainimated joy just at the thought of seeing you
......................like a puppy after a long day at work
....or a kitten - ..................depending on your mood

i was good when you wanted good
bad when you wanted bad
.....................................................wicked on occasion

Until I'd wake up and realize that i was nowhere where i wanted to be
and......................................................................................................................left

i knew aunts and uncles by name
best friends by birthdays, their girlfriend by address
and every other girl you called at night...................................by number

and never said a word
until it suited me
and by then
you were too late to ever win
the argument

i would mold myself into the very form you desired, without realizing that i was
c..h.....a..........n.............g.....................i...............................n.....................................g
but it's always easier to put on an act
than admit to the insecurities i've always felt
of being just a little too BIG
and just a little too small
just a little too happy
and just a little not happy............at all

But always exactly what you wanted me to be

but i don't want to be that for you



i want the next one to see the flaws

Like...

that i don't like wearing heels...........................................unless its night
and i'm most comfortable in sweats till noon
and i think thigh highs and garters are sexy
................and men in ties turn me on..................................a little

i love to cook when i'm stressed
i listen to slow jams in the shower...........................not in aslutty way, but because i genuinely like them
and my favorite position is sleeping right inthe croock of your shoulder at night

i want you to tell me i'm sexy
when i dress up - or don't dress up
but not in a vulgar way
........................in a poetic way that gives me chills and butterflies
...........................and actually makes me feel beautiful and not like a porn star you're paying for the night
and sometimes i want to feel like that pornstar
................but not always

i want to sit and discuss things with you
and argue and laugh
and watch your face change as the topics change
and grow old
and more distinguished
and more in love with me

and i want to know your flaws
like you hate asparagus...............................but love broccoli
and i hate feet.................but love when you massage them
and that we both skip to the end of book
.......................................to see the conclusion
and we like the rain
and we like getting wet
......................but preferably not at the same time
and i secretly think you're smarter than me, but i'd never tell you

and i want you to know that i've always through my sister the prettier one
...........................and my brother the smarter one
and that my father loved me best
.......................until he left
..................................................................................and i still have a complex about it
but that i won't let it come between us like before

i want you to know i think you're beautiful
...............................and that i've always thought you were sexy
but i never said anything, because i'm actually a little shy
and i never know how to say it..........................................................and still sound genuine
but i think about it all the time
even before you knew i was thinking it
and not just your smile
or your eyes
but for the way you think
and the way you speak
.....................and the accent you sometimes try to hide
and your ears that are a little too big......and your lips that are a little too full
and the fact that you make me feel just a little insecure
in a sexy way

and i'd still think you were
................even if you had warts
................and little feet
................and a humpback
......................................................................................ok maybe i'm pushing it a little
but i'd still be attracted to your heart
.............and your mind
........................and your words
............................................and the way you've always made me feel
even when youre mean....................................or i'm mean
and moody...............................................................or i'm moody
..................or we're both dating the wrong people
but we still secretly know.....the perfect flaws we have within each other


but i've never told anyone that.........but i want you to know

more words

He asked me what turned me on
I said words

Romantic words..................................and smutty words

Longing and lingering words

Exotic words

Devouring words

Lipstick leaving delicious words

And so he turned to me and used them


He painted pictures with words.
toppled towers and rebuilt universes with his words
...sang lyrical harmonies with words
.......created color melodies
............harmonized a duet all alone just with words
...................conceived an ocean of movements
..............................that pounded and rolled
..............................................and crashed on to the shores
.......................................................of
......................................................................my
.....................................................................................mind

And left me with nothing to say but
..............................more
give me more

words.

words to live by
words to read by . . . words to hold me close until you’re here
To turn words into actions
And make those actions louder than

................those.............................................words

you gave me

for roses

My mother has a way with words

spoken softly

matter-of-fact -ly

as if her lyrics are well known

rather than thoughts

and ideas

She sets them up across a page

like a dance

_______________each

__________put

____________________in its

_____place

to show

the story she’s trying to tell

My sister poems

come out like songs

With colors as emotions

Each thought and meaning

_____1_____

__________2__________

_______________3___________________

things to

______5______

____________6____________

_________________7_________________

people

_____“why must I be

__________so black and blue”

like a negativity to

stretch ability

all in search of stability

in a ___ blue_____ green_____ aquamarine

swirling world

of chaos

I didn’t inherit their way with words

From poet to poet

__I don’t know if

I’m a poet.

___or simply a journal -ist

whose words sometimes __________ fit

I admire your skill

Much like that homeboy

_____(That phone boy)

who sketches his poetry into art

_____his guns are pencils

_____ his bullets paint

his dreams and prayers covered those walls

__________where I sat.

Ironically

You remind me of him…

I’m not looking for love

But I do appeal for this

A single application

____for a friend

If you don’t apply

nothing lost, nothing gained

But the thought

That is all.

That beneath the millions stars

there are two that understand

the friendship

written between the lines

__________of text