So I haven't posted in a while. A lot happened and I couldn't seem to put them into words let alone find the time to post about it.
I'm back at work now. Its a bittersweet situation. Its nice to be around adults. to have adult conversations. To be here....doing something productive...but I'd much prefer to be at home with Solana. Its hard to be away from her. and by the time I do see her I'm exhausted. My littl ebit of bonding time is usualy spent sleeping...or trying to sleep.
Life is getting back into order. its not where I thought i'd be its. it no where near where i expected to be...but i'm not surprised i'm here. I'm also not upset about it anymore...ok maybe today i'm upset. only because i got a total of 4 hours to sleep in two nights. dressed myself and baby alone. rushed out of the house. hshared a car with my mother. dropped her off at daycare and known that i was imposing on my mother for additional support
i shouldn't have to do that
i shouldn't have to do this alone
my mother shouldn't have to help so much
its just where i some how ended up.
it was time for a change. and i feel it in the air. that there is more change to come. that this isn't the end of it...but just the beginning. i think more big changes are on the way and i'm not upset about that. i know that they're all for goo din the long run. they'll all help me get to where we need to be.
we deserve so much more than we have here. and i will fight tooth and nail to ensure that my daughter has the future...the life...that she deserves.
i think the nest 25 year years are going to go a log smoother for me. a lot happened in 2011. a lot will be fixed in 2012. a lot will be accomplished.
i just have to be ready to take hold...
written 1/27/2011 - one day i'll actually post when i'm done