i'm turning into one of those ppl who tells their friends to read their blog to get updates on my life
its kind of depressing to tell you the truth. i just can't seem to find time and space away from the boy to rankt and rave like i want to.
there's a woman at my office names Lizett. sweetest woman I've ever met. She's salvadorean. and she understands lol
i think she asks me how i'm feeling more than my mother does. well i guess i'm stressed out because i started telling her my MIL issues. she was very straight forward
"there are a lot of ppl from my country that never learn the social graces..."
"its called mamita' but don't tell your BF i said that...she's having a hard time letting go"
"you have to be smart about it. don't make it seem like he has to choose between you and his mother. you'll never win that. eventually he will go back to his mother...they always do... you just have to explain to him...about boundaries. that the decisions that you make as a couple they are important....that you don't want to always have these fights...that even though we're young, we are adults..."
"its about respect..."
"she's afraid that she's losing a son...she thinks that since you're marrying her son that you are her daughter and thus she's able to tell you how to do things"
"don't let this stress you out. this should be the happiest time in your life. if you're stressed you will get depressed and that will affect the baby..."
i wish i had taken notes while she was talking. i wish i could have recorded it. i wish i could take her with me...
she asked me if we were moving away. that we should. move out of the state...if there was distance than she wouldn't feel so inclined to try to impose rules
she just kept telling me to be smart and to be careful. that this was about family dynamics. that the things to focus on was my relationship, my child and myself...everything else was secondary...
"maybe you should have your mom talk to her...maybe it will mean more coming from someone older"
"just pray about it. pray that the lord touches her heart...helps her to understand..."
it was good to talk to her. After yesterday when all of a sudden aaron switched and said "oh yeah we should have had the wedding reception/baby shower thing at my house so more ppl could come" i thought i was going to lose it.
i thought we were going to wait a year and then have a big reception or something...
i thought we'd decided to have it here
what are you talking about a wedding reception...
WHO ARE YOU?!?!
I'm not going to keep doing this. Everytime a decision is made have him talk to his mother and have it all switch again. I can't do it. I'll lose my mind.
i told my mother that if this is how it's going to be then i just won't get married. i'll just stay friends with him and just worry about my baby....i can't do this. i can't live in a world where what i say means nothing - and it was never like this before. i remember a time when it was totally different...now its all changed. i won't have this as my future. i won't end up how mother was for 20 years. silent behind a man controlled by his mother.
i deserve better than that.
my baby deserves better
hell aaron even deserves better
but thats hard to say after he has been controlled by the women in his life for the last 25 years.
sometimes i wonder if aaorn is with me because he wants to be...or because his family preferred my to Option B...
and probably only because she didn't allow half of the bullshit that i did...
maybe he should have stayed and save dus both the trouble