Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

Thursday, December 24, 2009

"its like starting at square one all over again"

my brother came over the other day. its rare that he actually stays - rather he comes and stays just on the edge of the bubble as to not disrupt the delicate balance that is the two families he floats between.

i think he stays in school to avoid choosing who's house he's actually going to live in.

he came over and brought his ex-girlfriend - who i love as long as they're not dating. she has so much power and control and independence on her own, but when they're together she dumbs herself down to protect my brothers fragile ego. i think everyone does that for Trevor - except for me.

anyway he came over and stayed just long enough to make things uncomfortable for the rest of us. the last we saw of him were his speeding tail lights when he heard a snow storm was coming- his final words "i don't feel like sleeping on the couch - and i'm not shoveling in the morning..."

so it was up to us in the morning- the first day the baby was home- to dig her boyfriends car out of the snow. to hike to the store for milk.

trevor helped dig out my father's new wife

lets just say that's a sore subject to my mother

i digress. he came over with Adi- the sweetest girl i've ever met and she asked me about aaron
a -"are you still with that guy"
me - "nope"
a - "awww...i'm sorry"
me -"i'm not..."
::awkward silence::
me - "its just that i woke up one day and realized it just wasn't worth it....being unhappy. i was just working so hard that i realized i can be just as unhappy without him - and not even work as hard. i can be happy alone..."

i guess my life lessons always happen in public.

its those moments when you have to figure out how you feel .... in words.

but enough about him - back to my family. its christmas eve and my sister is still dealing with the after effects of giving birth. she just closed on her house with her boyfriend. i'm proud of her. i envy her freedom to leave - but not he constraints of a relationship.

i think school has always been my escape. now i'm home and i can't quite figure out what to do now.

but for once i'm not upset about it...i'm kind of excited to see what's going to happen next.

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