My friend had a baby on saturday.
It feels like there are babies popping out everywhere.
There have been atleast 4 babyshowers in my office since I started in March. Before that there was Meghan and Tuck in December and before that a girl at my old job.
it almost makes me...almost want...one...
then i wake up.
and realize that i can't afford myself right now...let alone someone else.
it would be intriguing though. to have something that was yours. part of you. always a part of you. who lived within you. who needed only you for 9 months.
the concept doesn't even sound real....
work is that same. tedious and demanding. Its the last day for my boss. We have been reorganized...and her position was found to be...well....no longer needed....
or at least at the level it was.
it's been a hard couple of months...but the final point was last wednesday . I wanted to talk about it...but I was sworn to secrecy until the announcement was made.
She pulled me into her office and sat across from me in the small seating area designed to make her appear larger than life and stronger than man...and she looked weak. and she looked small. and tired.
more tired than i've ever seen her.
it was like in 24 hours she game an old woman...and i never rememebr the moment when the woman who hired me left and this woman took her place.
maybe it had been happening all along...maybe everything just happened at once...maybe nothing happened at all...
she told me how she knew i already knew...but she wanted to tell me before everyone else heard.
i stopped her
"take me with you"
she looked at me
and she cried.
one tear. and i watched her face crumble and as she tried to stoically white away the evidence of her own mortality...i knew.
it was over.