realizations.

Never take a day off in the middle of the week.








i took off yesterday. Played hookie with BearBear and went up to Morgan State. There was a bunch of paperwork he needed to complete. He actually still needs to complete it. its currently sitting in my car as i forgot to leave it at his house when I came back home last night.



his mother has set a curfew for him. which i found utterly hilarious...or annoying. whichever. but after the fiasco a couple of weeks ago i understand why she did it. it means that at a certain point he has to be in bed. and i have to be home too. so i guess you can say that she's set one for me as well. Sunday through thursday, she says. this just happens to be the week that i've been there everyday. and out everyday. by 10...well no later than 11....thirty....sometimes...



ok so the curfew isn't really working...except she's growing horse saying the same things over and over and he's getting annoyed that she's still bugging him





i think there is a time in everyone's life when they realize its time to just move out.









he'll probably live on campus in the spring. i've been looking for apartments up there. i've been budgeting and trying to figure everything out...but if money is still looking the way money is...he'll be living on campus in the spring...and i'll be finishing school and saving up and seeing how things are in the summer. i wouldn't mind moving out. i WANT to move out...but if i can't afford it...well than i can't afford it.



it was either an apartment or a car...and when it came down to the wire the car was the most important at the time.





wade just sold the other apartment too. lol. perfect timing. either way the hour commute to school every morning and night was bound to get annoying in no time.







not to mention living next to wade.







i can't just imagine the awkward conversations in the stair well...









i asked aaron what happened to daphney the other night. i'd never met her. but i'd heard about her. after nene who was after nicole. and before nene who was before nicole. she was right in the middle.



aaron said that he was just comfortable. he had nothing to complain about...so there was no reason to leave.



...aaron said he had been too....



he says he doesn't know what happened to her. "they don't talk anymore" just that. simple and straight forward. they just don't...





i wonder if it ever gets to nicole...what happened after her. and before her...and during her...or if it ever gets to wade...



i wonder if the questions that we had are usual questions that they have...or if we just deal with things differently.











last sunday it came up again. how angry he was. comparing this halloween to last halloween.



"why didn't we hang out?....why did you want to be there with me?..."



i didn't know where it came from. and i sat there in church trying to remember how we both ended up in different locations. he had been there and i had been here...and we'd been together weeks before and we'd been together weeks after. and he was so mad...



and i could remember the itch of anger that i had...but for the life of my a couldn't remember





until memories of baby showers and pink balloons came into my mind. or standing in line at a movie theatre and watching him storm out before the movie began. and fear. being in a car...and terrified...as he sped by the house. shouting. yelling. and cursing...and crying. of tears. i remember tears.





i told him that. that the baby shower had been before halloween thats why...he didn't remember why.





i told him he has recreated a past where he did nothing wrong.





that i was the bad guy...but i still remember.





and its not fair that he get angry over things that i can't change. and that i don't get mad at things that are still happening....interestingly enough. maybe i need to. maybe i ought to...


but i had time to get angry. i had time to bad angry. to rant and rave and forgive him....i guess he's still in rave...heading towards forgive.



hopefully....


eventually...




we'll see....






i'm just enjoying the nice moments that are happening now...and letting go of the bad ones.


its nice to point out that its him picking the fights this time.


how the tables have turned