i never thought i'd feel this way

i keep typing posts, but not posting them.

i think i'm going to try to be a littl emore positive these days. I don't want to look back on my pregnancy and only remember my complaints

i honestly love the little jumps and kicks from the little one inside of me. its comforting to know she's there. maybe no one will understand the feeling...but its like you're never alone. that for your entire life she's been there waiting for just the right time to make herself known.

and i can't wait to meet her.

her personality already seems like so much fun.

he kicks are strong...and while i cringe i'm glad she's strong. i'm glad she is adament. i'm glad that she wants to be known and i hope she come sout just as strong and independent as she already is here.

he dances to music. lol. its sweet to feel her kicking as soon as music starts playing. she pushes against things i'm leaning on. She has one little foot lodged under my ribs and when i lay some where she doesn't like she pushes up to make me move. as if already i need to remember to accomodate her first.

she hiccups at night...and now in the morning. a rhythmic motion just above my pelvis and todayi thik i felt her little tummy at the same time. i never felt that before.

i can feel her playing with her fingers. a gently tickle on my hips as she opens and closes her fingers trying to figure out where she is.

she pushes her little butt or knees around...right under my belly button. and as i'm layind dwon in bed i can lift my shirt and see her repositioning herself to be more comfortable in the little womb she has made her own.

she wakes up when her daddy tells her too. never when i do...


i dream of what she'll look like. i wonder how tall she'll be. if she'll be shy like her father or out spoken like her mother. if she'll have my butt. his nose. who's hair?

i have a thousand and one questions about here that i'll only learn in time...and i can't wait to learn them


and at the same time that i'm ready to meet her and see her and hold her in my arms as i have in my womb for all these weeks...i want to keep her inside of me...to protect her within me...hold her where no one can take her from me.

this will be the only time that she is with me 100% of the time...and i'll never get that back.

i'll never have complete say over her when she's born...and i'll have to learn to share her...and care for her differently than how i've been able to while i cared for myself.

i want to give her the world...but i want her to learn to work for it too.



i want to make her life easier than mine ever was.


and i want all of her dreams to come true




and if i have to fight heaven and hell to protect her i will....


and while i'm almost ready for her to come...i'll miss her here...i'll miss this feeling to being one. i'll miss it when she's gone.


i never thought i'd feel this way...