Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Dear Napolean

I always thought Deoboed was a word and not just a cultural expression

until I said it to an old coworker when I was at school and she had no idea what I was talking about...I don't know if i should feel ashamed that I used the phrase or that she had never seen the Friday series...maybe she just needs to get out more.

I've been talking to an old friend a lot recently. been thinking about him a lot too. But I'm not sure if I'm falling for who he is now or i never let go of who he used to be.

He used to write me poems. Beautiful lyrics that danced across my heart, but i was too afraid to do anything about it.

he doesn't write them anymore

but i catch myself going through old email accounts and rereading what he thought of me or what he thought about...and i miss what i could have had if i wasn't so afraid of letting in and letting go.

i can't ask him to be someone he's not, just as I can't be who i let go of as well...we'll see what happens from this point. He's thousands of miles away and when he comes to visit i wonder if i'll be nervous.

the butterflies in the stomach nervous...or i'm your biggest fan nervous...or when you look at me do you see who i used to be nervous...or don't judge me on my mistake...but love me for who i can be for you...with you...all about you if you let me kind of nervous.

i'd hate for him to be disappointed

i'd hate to be too late.

i'd hate if this turned out like all the others turned out...because in my mind he's been on that pedestal for years...i just never let him know until now.

Let me be your Josephine.
and i will call you Bonaparte.
we will rule the world, but just own a part

and share it only with each other

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