So my borther graduated on saturday. It was a beautiful day for a graduation in UVa is a gorgeous campus. Its like stepping back in time...or into a catalogue...or a onto a movie set. There must have been a dress code of khaki's and sun dresses and I failed to receive the memo.
It reminded me a lot of McDaniel. The small town vibe, even though Charlottesville would eat Westminster for lunch, the county club visitors, the trees. lol. it was nice to visit...it makes me want to get back into school.
The cobblestone was next to impossible for aaron and his crutches...the crowd was next to impossible for me and my stomach, the heat was simply impossible for my mother.
we were able to watch the smaller MBA graduation at the Darden school. nothing too hectic as we chose our seats earlier than my father's arrival with his family. I was luck enough not to see them at all...my mother however ran straight into them as my father ran straight into a pole...
i wish i made these things up.
my brother seemed as shocked as the rest of us about them being in attendance. we had all been dreading the family dinner that he requested, but upon finding out that his other mother was there is simply stated "i'm going to dinner with you, mom. i never intended to go eat with them"
Dinner was nice. It was good to see Trevor relaxed and happy. He is moving to CA at the end of June, just staying long enough for the wedding. He showed us around his apartment and told us about the work he'll be doing...or at least what he think he'll be doing.
I slept for the drive up and the drive back. I was lucky enough to never have to drive. Aaron did most of that...mainly because he doesn't trust anyone else behind the wheel. after watching my mother drive...I can understand why.
the real interesting part of the weekend was the graduation party on the saturday before trevor's graduation. One of Aaron's cousin's graduated and everyone came over for a free for all at his house. There was a lot of touching and questions and advice being freely thrown out...as usual. There was also a bit of a confrontation over pictures as I had previously stated I didn't want taken. i don't care if you consider my child YOURS...as I'm the one carrying them and I said no...then stop and let it go.
MIL didn't appreciate that...but she got over it. or she moved away from me.
I spent most of the night talking to the girlfriend and wife of some of the cousins. it was nice to know that i'm not alone in the random feeling of being "on-the-outside"
I'd never felt that way before...but now there has been a clear division drawn in the sand...and i'm not begging to cross it...i hope they realize my child is staying on myside of the line and they can go suck it.
it was funny. the GF should fit in the most. being hispanic...but her claim to fame is that she's Pentecostal and has no interest of converting. The Wife is protestant as well and black...a double negative for her. she also doesn't drink much and doesn't join in on arguments with the rest of the family.
she's always just stayed to herself.
I asked her how she deals with boundaries. She laughed and we shared Monster-in-law stories for the rest of the night.
family members kept trying to intrude...to find out what it was that we whispered about in dark corners...some sort of fear of the black ppl uniting. we didn't let it stop us...and once we finally were separated i left shortly after.
i feel like boundaries are going to be an on going issue in my life from this point forward. i get it...i accept it...but i'm not going to have ppl walk all over me and i'm not going to allow ppl to think that i'm ok with it. i don't care what hte family has been doing since the dawn of time...thats not how i'm doing it.
if that means we have to stay on the outskirts so be it.
i was actually thinking today. i was trying to figure out how it is that i never realized that they were so over bearing. i think i always knew...its just that they were overbearing to me. they were all in aaron's life. they judged his decisions. they called him dumb and told him what to do...but i just assumed thats the relationship they had with him and that was fine...most of the time his decisions were a little dumb and i appreciated that they cared...
but now that the opinions are pointed at me...its different. i'm not a child. and i'm not really in this family. i don't need your suggestions and i don't particularly care for your opinions. i'm not having family sit downs and i'm not explaining my decision making...its not a discussion its a statement...
they're not going to like me very much...
i don't particularly give a shit...
it was strange at one point...while discussing the differences in W's MIL and my own she said "i think its just different. MIL and Husband never had that close relationship. they were never cute and cuddly. its funny. i would look at your MIL and think 'Why couldn't she be my MIL"
"honey, the grass is always greener on the other side..."