We were talking the other day. It probably was a week ago…maybe longer. I was calling him a brat. I tend to do that these days but it could simply be because I’m seeing parts of him that I never saw before. The every day. Saturday mornings. Arguments with his mother. Refusals to act…and I don’t know. It doesn’t line up with the person that I know and love.
I asked him why. “why didn’t you ever mow the lawn. Like you know if we live together you’ll be mowing it right”
He looked at me and shrugged agreed that he would. Then he said “they never let me . they always thought I’d mess up. When ppl don’t let you do something you stop asking them. I’m not going to beg you to let me help…” I heard the anger build in his voice. I watched the hurt in his eyes. The years he’s tried to be more. To do more. And been shot down and insulted for it.
So I let him. I let him have the power he wanted. I used to complain about how I was tired of being the adult in the relationship. So now I’m giving it to him.
The apartments called. We were approved and they wanted payment. I didn’t have the money. He wasn’t ready to pay it. I told him to call. He didn’t on the first day. Never got to it on the second. I told him I simply couldn’t handle it. I’ve been stressed…I’m overwhelmed by my job. By my classes. By my car…I can’t take on the additional responsibility.
So he called. He called me and told me what he was going to say. He called me after he said. I probably would have done it differently…but I’m proud of him for acting when he did. It meant a lot.
Its like seeing him grow before my eyes.
I want him to be everything he’s always wanted to be. I want him to be more. I want us to be happy.
I hope this is simply step one to a long journey.