first dates

so i'm going on a date. and i rarely go on dates...so it must be a big thing if i'm actually planning on going an dnot just saying i'm going and then avoiding their phone calls

which might actually be happening...but i don't really know that its him calling from the blocked/unknown number and not leaving a message. who blocks their number and then doesn't leave a message. eh

anyway i met him at the club on saturday. and i actually was about to hit him in the face...which just shows you that this is a match made in heaven... :-/

anyway we're going out on thursday since he'll be out of town on saturday...so i guess i'll have to explain to my trainer later why i skipped the gym during the week or i'll have to go on saturday to make up for it (not excited...but i have lost 10 pounds...so i'm going to do what i have to do at this point)

so i asked him what time and where?
he says "owings mill. anytime your'e available. anywhere you want."

i think this is a trick

there is no right answer...if i choose a realyl cheap place it looks like i have no standards if i choose a really expensive place i look like a user

and i'm not the familiar with owings mill regardless so i don't even know what an inbetween place is.

i'm between bone fish, liberatore's and ruth's chris

bone fish:
pros- good food, reasonable price, never been.
cons- fish....

liberatores's
pros- love italian, reasonable price, good reviews
cons- kind of looks cheap, i'm messy with italian, never been

ruth's chris
pros- heard lots of good reviews, amazing food, great environment
cons- crazy expensive, not really in owings mill...

extra con- i don't know where any of these places actually are.

im about to be like f-it...meet me at cheesecake factory down here.


i thought guys made the plans for the first date anyway.



onto another subject. i can't find the pictures from the club on saturday and i really want them. The friday pictures were kind of skanky...but i was looking cute on saturday. but they're no where to be seen.

DaVaughn, Marko and Bim keep tagging me on facebook with the friday pics though.

not cool...


Spring fling is this weekend at McDaniel. I promised to go. and then May 1st is the 1st year back reunion. that'll be 3 weekends in a row in McDaniel. I dunno if i'm ready to see everyone again. but the thing about graduating if i really could just never see them ever again.

and i kind of want to show them they didn't break me.


we'll see what happens. everything seems to be in warp speed these days.

back to reality

alright. so this weekend was a whirlwind to say the least.


i've decided that i'm only going to go out once a month. well not even decided it just kind of turns out that way. I'm really not a bog partier. i enjoy going out and hanging with friends, but after a while it just gets to be too much. but once a month is just the perfect amount. get a new outfit, new hair style, (or the one i'm the best at), check the vlogs for new make-up ideas, and just go hard.

i want a name for myself...not a reputation


so i went out with mango on friday. actually lets go back further than that. We had decided to go out on saturday for a new club opening (fail...its just too soon to tell that story), but in the process i heard about a party at ibiza on friday. It was Don Jaun's birthday and too many ppl were going and it was just turning out to be a great party and i told mango about it and she was interested but had promised a friend to go to a sorority party. then all of a sudden i was going through the pix on the invite page (facebook...go figure) and there are 5 uploaded...2 of artists, 1 of the promoter, 1 of a girl and 1 of me....wait...i didn't say i was going yet. and i couldn't even talk smack because it was my profile picture.

so i called marko. "ummm...so i was looking through the pictures for the party on friday...umm...why am i in them?" he laughed of course (i didn't) he apologized and promised to get me in VIP for using me as the promo. i didn't want to tell him i was already in...but either way i told Mango and she was down. that was wed

then thursday she was up in the air

then friday she was thinking about it...look don't get me wrong i understand if you have other plans. I get it. but don't fake. and don't keep being wishy/washy cuz i could find someone else to go with...but her "man" works at Ibiza and i know if i went without her that would eb a big deal. plus isata hates ibiza. and last time i went with rudi she blew me.

maybe ibiza just isn't for me.

anyway she ended up deciding to go and was all excited. and i told her i was going hard...so you gotta either catch up or just be comfortable. (she wasn't comfortable)

long story short. she had a mood swing. some girl touched her. her man was talking to someone else. and she decided she wanted to stand in a corner for the rest of the night.

BLOWN

then after yelling at me for hours all night and the following morning...asking me what time to be ready for tonight

::silence::


you know when you're trying to be polite and not tell someone exactly what you're thinking...but being subtle just isn't working. so i just kept sending the same message.
*copy* *paste* *send*
she'd avoid the statement
*copy* *paste* *send*

i decided to go out with isata instead.

let's just skip over the whole club opening story because marko and i still have beef about that. instead he ended up at 24 the club i swore to never go to again. Fonz and Bim were there so it wasn't a total waster and Mia and Raheema showed up as well which just kid of put into perspective that i literally know too many ppl who go out at night in DC. i need to start going to different establishments


met some cool people. didn't spend too much money (still broke till friday though so i dunno how i'm going to make it to work this week.

took some good pictures....might post them we'll see



and now the weekends over. back to being me again.

introducing the new girl in town

i got a new job recently.

i real job

a real grown up job...

and i'm kind of sad to realize that i'm not really a kid anymore...


i love my job, don't get me wrong...how could i not like a job that enables me to update my blog during work hours and leave 2 hours before anyone else.

i really have nothing to complain about



or maybe i can complain of the down time that allows me to think about everything that I have lost on the way of finding myself here. Its no one's fault, but mother nature and the endless ticking of time that has forced my eyes to open and my heart to grow and my feet to walk away on their own accord until one day i woke up miles away from where i started.


on quiet mornings like today I miss where i used to be.

the security of naivety that allowed me to close my eyes and only see what i wanted to see

i see it all now

and i can't be mad that you turned out to be exactly who you told me you were...rather than who i had tried to make you



that was my own fault


but it doesn't make it hurt any less.




lets change subjects. I'm enjoying my life at the moment. the endless parties and social gatherings that make up a 20-something in/or around DC. Its amazing to walk into a club an the center of a universe for a night. I can shed my layers of insecurities that i'm usually so wrapped in become HoLlYwOoD as I've been affectionately named by the group of men who have tried unsuccessfully to make me there's.

I don't want to be anyones right now.

Mango and I have made a name for ourselves by doing nothing but be who we are...and after being in relationships where we have been shaped into everything but that its nice to be appreciated for not even trying to be original....we simply are...


i think i'll give the clubs a break for a little bit.

Half the fun of being the ingenues is the mystery behind it...can't let them think they have you before you're ready...


lets see how long this lasts

i'm that girl

so I have a secret: I'm in love...

awkward enough i know...what makes it worse is i've never met the guy. I've never been one to have celebrity crushes, but here I am with my first (and hopefully last) celebrity infatuation. (not counting my elementary crush on Leonardo DiCaprio...but lets be serious who didn't love him in the late 90's?)




anyway. I am 23 years old and here I am without even an excuse for the crush. but what makes it worse is its not even sexual (don't get me wrong it could be...) but its really intellectual. I mean I want to curl up in a corner with him, sipping tea with lemon and just banter. I want to trade letters and words, and see what he thinks when I say this and find something clever to say when he says that. I want to listen to his explanations to his ideas. I want to see his passion born. I want to be the fly on the wall while he comes up with the lyrics that somehow speak to me...



ewww...i'm that girl.

so its almost new years and the plans have been made and he's coming to town. for the 3rd time to be in fact. (well to be accurate he didn't show the first time). Anyway each time i've somehow been unable to be in attendance to his concerts until now. Now I know that nothing is going to come of this. I know there are three thousand ppl who will be there...but that hasn't stopped my over active imagination to creating this ideal situation where he sees me and i become his muse. His ideal. love at first site...like the first time i heard him and i didn't even know who he was...

but hey a girl is allowed to dream right?

so i'll just continue from chapter 10 of my day dream where we're currently vacationing in our villa in the south of france. I think his mother's coming to visit and I have a lasagna warming in the oven...its so warm out today. I've always loved visiting here...the sound of the shore... the humming of the waves...his senseless chatter while he plans his summer tour in the states...



sometimes its only acceptable to delve into your daydreams

open and available

we've spoiled my niece to the point that she refuses to sleep anywhere but in someone's arms. If she were to wake up in one of the thousands of bids, swings or bouncers, that we searched and purchased in the appointed colors of pink rose and chocolate, she'd flip out...FLIP...like pure nonsense for hours on end...

after twenty-three years of being a predominately tummy sleeper - i have somehow learned how to sleep perfectly still on my back, because i know that

at somepoint in the night one of the three other ppl in my house appointed to entertain her highness will deposit a sleeping child into my arms. even in a deep sleep i've learned to rock a child back to sleep

how something only 8 pounds and 21 inches has learned to control an entire house...i'll never know

so i'm trying to figure out what to do for new years. DC is full of options and opportunities- the only problem is clubbing in dc means hanging out with the over excited hoards of college students. Don't get me wrong, i was one of them a few months ago...but there is a large maturity gap between 18 and 23 and i'm worried that the best places are going to open the doors for the ragingly hormonal. Last time I went to LOVE I almost killed someone who was too busy trying to get into some 18 year old in lace leggings and t-shirt that i pushed the wrong person who spilled a drink on me...who expected me to buy HIM another one.

of course the time before that (the wayne after party) my now ex showed up and threw someone down the stairs for getting a little too close...i'll save that story for another time...

I'd go to the usual Jamaican spot- 24

- but the fact that ppl are starting to recognize me and going usually means having my sister's fiance watching every move I make...i'm thinking new years might not be a good time to have a baby sitter...

We've got the 1st of January planned already.

just the 31st is open and available.

but we'll find something.......we always do