layered like an onion

i’m back on my diet now. i have this annoying habit of going hard on the diet for about 2 and ½ weeks. then i just fall off the wagon. 1 week and a half of pure nonsense. pizza. alcohol. burritos. bread. you name it i’m eating it.

then my trainer says something rude, like….::is it that time of the month? Your stomach was flatter than this…::

and it makes me want to kill myself

or get back on the diet

whichever one is easier

so here i am back on lemon juice and water. warm prune juice at bed time. and chicken breast. lots of chicken breast. too much chicken breast.

but summer’s almost here. and Shalanda’s wedding is on saturday. and i refuse to fall back into the mold of being insecure in my own skin.

i know there are changes. the scale finally started showing some improvement which i'm glad about. i wish it were more, but i'm not as diligent as i ought to be. i can see the eyes on me when i walk around. my trainer told me when he was done it was going to be ridiculous. that i wouldn't be able to go any where.

i'm not sure if thats really what i want

and i think its one of the reasons i never minded eating so much, less people look at you when you're covered in layers of your own making. but shedding them back...now thats terrifying.

and exhilarating.

and its going to be a mess