there's a woman in my office that is very quickly getting on my nerves. I don't know if it's hormones or just the fact that i'm over ignorance.
She's a nice girl, don't get my wrong. She's funny and friendly...and ghetoo as hell. Barely graduated from highschool...been with the same guy since middle school. broken up and gotten back together while living together for almost 10 years now and have a child together.
She misses being pregnant...and continues to tell me how much i'm going to miss it as well
i really don't understand what its with other women telling you about yourself when you're pregnant. please Lord...don't let me become one of those women...
She comes up to my desk to replay her birthing experience. to cuss about the lactation coach who tried to force her into breast feeding. about how women with csections have flatter stomachs faster...and how she can't wait to see my baby
and why aren't i ask excited
excuse?
i'm at work...i'm not talking about being pregnant...i'm just at work.
and the fact that throughout this entire pregnancy all anyone else has done was tell me how i should be reacting has made it so i've never had to chance to really have my own feelings about the situation
i am excited. i love her. its funny to feel her wiggling inside of me. i wonder what she's going to look like. i can't wait to meet her
but i'm sick and friggin tired of eveyrone TELLING me what she's going to look like. how tall she's going to be. when she's going to be born. how she's going to act. how i'm going to act
back the fuck off!
i'm excited...i am...but i don't want to talk about it
and i particularly don't want to hear you talking about it either.
i finally told her that i don't really feel like talking about it anymore...its the only subject anyone will discuss with me now. its been 9 months of the exact same topic...lord...can someone talk about something other than what it was like when they gave birth or tried to breast feed?!?!
she told me I was being stank...and she can't wait until the baby's out so she can kick my butt
i walked away
eh....
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
rules for DDay
I'm creating a list of rules and regulations for delivery...my mother thinks I'm being controlling...which is partly true...but also for the simple fact that once delivery is literally within seeing distance you slowly, but surely lose your mind.
Every time i turn around I hear about another random relative being invited for EDD and its driving me nuts. 1) because no one asked me how i felt about it and 2) because everyone is only thinking of themselves.
For once....i'm being completely selfish and considering my own feelings after i give birth.
so this is what i have so far:
I would like to set up some ground rules…because i think its only fair as I’m the one who’s giving birth to the baby and I’m starting to feel like everything ifs being taken out of my hands without asking me.
1) The day I go into labor – we’ll let everyone know, but please don’t come to the
hospital - wait until we call and say we are ready for visitors
This rule is to prevent unneeded stress to both the laboring woman (holly) and the laboring attendants (mom and Aaron). We will let Aaron’s mother know and my sister as soon as the baby is born and let them know when they can come to the hospital once I’ve been moved to the mommy and me floor
2) Please on the day that the baby is born i would like to limit visitors to just immediate family, (ie mom, dad, sister, brother. Please no extended family)
I understand that everyone is very excited to meet the baby, but I expect to be very tired after giving birth and would like time to rest. I would also like to have time with just my baby and my husband to bond as well as to establish breastfeeding. These are moments that can’t be taken back and I would really appreciate if everyone respected the need to calm and solace.
3) The day after delivery can we please limit visitors to the following times
4) When visiting – please no more than 4 people plus parents in the room.
5) Upon release from the hospital – please respect the same visiting hours and number of people at a time.
6) No pictures on facebook. I don’t want my daughter flashed across the Internet and when she is i want it to be done by either her father or mother.
7) Please respect the parents’ wishes. We understand that the advice given is from seasoned parents, but as this is our first child, we have our own ideas and plans on how to raise her. We will ask when we need help and advice, but extreme amount of advice can be overwhelming and will most likely be ignored.
do i think any of these will go over smoothly? OF COURSE NOT
do i expect a lot of family discussion about it? DEFINITELY
will i continue to do this for the rest of my life? IF I THINK ITS NECESSARY
we are coming from 2 completely different cultures. 1 that thinks as a unit and one that thinks as individuals.
I only need one person to depend on and i need that to be my husband....so i need him...for ONCE....to see things from my point of view. just once to back me on what i think is important and just ONCE(!!!!) stand up to his mother and tell her to sit the fuck down.
i'm not going to stress too much about this...but trust and believe that I will be telling the hospital staff the same things...so if aaron can't grow some...i know they will
Every time i turn around I hear about another random relative being invited for EDD and its driving me nuts. 1) because no one asked me how i felt about it and 2) because everyone is only thinking of themselves.
For once....i'm being completely selfish and considering my own feelings after i give birth.
so this is what i have so far:
I would like to set up some ground rules…because i think its only fair as I’m the one who’s giving birth to the baby and I’m starting to feel like everything ifs being taken out of my hands without asking me.
1) The day I go into labor – we’ll let everyone know, but please don’t come to the
hospital - wait until we call and say we are ready for visitors
This rule is to prevent unneeded stress to both the laboring woman (holly) and the laboring attendants (mom and Aaron). We will let Aaron’s mother know and my sister as soon as the baby is born and let them know when they can come to the hospital once I’ve been moved to the mommy and me floor
2) Please on the day that the baby is born i would like to limit visitors to just immediate family, (ie mom, dad, sister, brother. Please no extended family)
I understand that everyone is very excited to meet the baby, but I expect to be very tired after giving birth and would like time to rest. I would also like to have time with just my baby and my husband to bond as well as to establish breastfeeding. These are moments that can’t be taken back and I would really appreciate if everyone respected the need to calm and solace.
3) The day after delivery can we please limit visitors to the following times
4) When visiting – please no more than 4 people plus parents in the room.
5) Upon release from the hospital – please respect the same visiting hours and number of people at a time.
6) No pictures on facebook. I don’t want my daughter flashed across the Internet and when she is i want it to be done by either her father or mother.
7) Please respect the parents’ wishes. We understand that the advice given is from seasoned parents, but as this is our first child, we have our own ideas and plans on how to raise her. We will ask when we need help and advice, but extreme amount of advice can be overwhelming and will most likely be ignored.
do i think any of these will go over smoothly? OF COURSE NOT
do i expect a lot of family discussion about it? DEFINITELY
will i continue to do this for the rest of my life? IF I THINK ITS NECESSARY
we are coming from 2 completely different cultures. 1 that thinks as a unit and one that thinks as individuals.
I only need one person to depend on and i need that to be my husband....so i need him...for ONCE....to see things from my point of view. just once to back me on what i think is important and just ONCE(!!!!) stand up to his mother and tell her to sit the fuck down.
i'm not going to stress too much about this...but trust and believe that I will be telling the hospital staff the same things...so if aaron can't grow some...i know they will
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
more....more.....more....
I don't know how I could possible have postpartum depression after the stressed out depressed nine months that i've just gone through.
I guess in hispanic families they prevent PPD by treating pregnant women like shit and celebrating the father of the child for knocking them up. since the moment i let them know that we conceived i've been cut off, ignored, brushed aside, reprimanded, corrected and told that i'm "overly protective." I think at this point i'm prepared for absolutely anything after the baby is born.
they, however, have no idea just how overly protective i plan on becoming....
5 more weeks until EDD (expected delivery day). I'm looking forward to finally meeting the little girl who has claimed residence of my body...and at the same time dreading having to share her with other people. I almost want to hold her in to protect her from the firestorm that her birth will cause in this family.
I'm completely over the group think.
I'm done with the extended family mentality
I'm over the cultural difference and the excuses
"this is what we do"
"this is how it's always been done"
" this is who we are"
when are they going to realize that i'm not one of them...and my daughter won't be raised that way.
how dare she tell me i "can't be overly protective." maybe someone should have been more protective with their children. Maybe then they wouldn't all have smoked weed and had sex before ever getting a high school diploma. Maybe someone would have graduated from college now. Maybe the honor roll would have been an actuality rather than a dream. Maybe they would have succeeded more in life if someone actually looked out for their children rather than what everyone else thought was the right thing to do.
My mother was overly protective with us...and maybe we didn't do things the way she planned...but we all have graduated from college. We all can support ourselves. We all succeeded in life to this point. no one can fault her for the choice that she made to put us first in life...and no one will fault me.
fuck all of you and your group think.
fuck you and your third world mentality.
fuck you for looking down your ignorant noses at me for wanting more for my child than you ever wanted for yours.
In your desperate attempt to keep everyone on the same level you have hindered yourself for generations. I want my daughter to far exceed even the heights that I have dreamt for myself.
i hope that she looks back on you all and shakes her head...that you all were small hurdles that her mother over took so that she could claim her spot in the stars
how dare you expect her to huddle on the ground with you all...
....when there is an entire universe for her to explore.
fuck you all very much...for showing me that at the end of the day...none of you matter
I guess in hispanic families they prevent PPD by treating pregnant women like shit and celebrating the father of the child for knocking them up. since the moment i let them know that we conceived i've been cut off, ignored, brushed aside, reprimanded, corrected and told that i'm "overly protective." I think at this point i'm prepared for absolutely anything after the baby is born.
they, however, have no idea just how overly protective i plan on becoming....
5 more weeks until EDD (expected delivery day). I'm looking forward to finally meeting the little girl who has claimed residence of my body...and at the same time dreading having to share her with other people. I almost want to hold her in to protect her from the firestorm that her birth will cause in this family.
I'm completely over the group think.
I'm done with the extended family mentality
I'm over the cultural difference and the excuses
"this is what we do"
"this is how it's always been done"
" this is who we are"
when are they going to realize that i'm not one of them...and my daughter won't be raised that way.
how dare she tell me i "can't be overly protective." maybe someone should have been more protective with their children. Maybe then they wouldn't all have smoked weed and had sex before ever getting a high school diploma. Maybe someone would have graduated from college now. Maybe the honor roll would have been an actuality rather than a dream. Maybe they would have succeeded more in life if someone actually looked out for their children rather than what everyone else thought was the right thing to do.
My mother was overly protective with us...and maybe we didn't do things the way she planned...but we all have graduated from college. We all can support ourselves. We all succeeded in life to this point. no one can fault her for the choice that she made to put us first in life...and no one will fault me.
fuck all of you and your group think.
fuck you and your third world mentality.
fuck you for looking down your ignorant noses at me for wanting more for my child than you ever wanted for yours.
In your desperate attempt to keep everyone on the same level you have hindered yourself for generations. I want my daughter to far exceed even the heights that I have dreamt for myself.
i hope that she looks back on you all and shakes her head...that you all were small hurdles that her mother over took so that she could claim her spot in the stars
how dare you expect her to huddle on the ground with you all...
....when there is an entire universe for her to explore.
fuck you all very much...for showing me that at the end of the day...none of you matter
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
baby shower debrief
So my baby shower was last weekend. Things actually went rather smoothly. I was expecting the worst possible scenario and thankfully it never occurred.
mind you that doesn't mean that MIL wasn't acting out or that the ILs weren't antisocial OR that Aaron's friends were pains...it simply means that no one got shot.
I accidentally planned the shower on the same day as Caribbean carnival. typical. we had chosen the date for after our anniversary as we were going to get married and announce it at the shower. the wedding plans turned into something bigger than either of us wanted so we cancelled...and hated each other...and broke up...and then eloped before anyone cold tell us what they though we should do.
his mother was upset...as to be expected. she said something to the extent of "well you know what you're getting into..." which i took more as a warning than a congratulations...
aaron told me that she whined before i got there "i wanted to beeee there....was holly's mom there? why didn't you teeeeellllll me?"
aaron was very straightforward. or so he told me. "it was just the two of us. no one knew. we just wanted the two of us there."
"well i wanted to be there"
"if you were there everyone would have to be there"
"soooooooooooooo...."
so that was last wednesday. she didn't find out until thursday. the shower was on saturday.
my aunt came from california to be there. she finally met ani who performed for the crowd. Tuck and Tosin hosted and did a great job of dealing with me as mother-zilla and keeping the crowd moving.
aaron's mother's contribution was a cake and it was huge. and milky. and not sweet...aaron loved it. i would have worn it as a dress...or a hat...wasn't too fond of the flavor. his family came and stayed to themselves mainly. i think they were waiting for a big wedding announcement that never came.
only one aunt and one uncle (and his wife) came of his entire family. that was aggravating. his cousin and his wife came. a bunch of my friends who said they would be there was all of a sudden MIA...bitches... his cousins didn't come. 2 aunts didn't come...and his sister actually showed up 3 hours late - her excuse "she went to the pool"
are you for real? you only have one baby shower in your life time...and you were too busy to actuall yact right and come to your brother's?if it had been at his house and had a whole bunch of patron i bet everyone would have made a way up there...
anyway. wade and richard came late as usual. wade had RSVPed saying he wasn't going to make it cuz he was going to be out of town...and then suddenly remembered that he was actually gone on antoher weekend and didn't tell anyone as a "surprise" -___-
silence
He wanted me to read his card out loud. some nonsense about "i couldn't believe it when you said you were having a baby...but hey if anyon one should it may as well be you."
silence
he also made an announcement after the gifts "i couldn't believe it when aaron said he was having a baby, but i have an announcement. i'm having a baby too....in 5 years...ha ha ha"
silence....
he's so wack
my mother was like "that tall one was annoying...and immature. so was the short one (richard)"
they came as we were handing out prize awards and MIl tried to stop everything so that they could play the games. it was too late...and we weren't having it.
are you forreal? the shower started at 1...your ass showed at 4...we're not restarting everything for 2 ppl...
MIL bought a bunch of onsies that say "I LOVE DADDY" and a frame that she showed me months ago that she said she was keeping for herself. and then gave us a toddler car seat.
i have no problem with the carseat...please don't get my wrong. thank you...
but seeing as we have at least 6 months before she'll be in it i don't understand why she got it for us. This woman demanded a list of 4 or 5 things that we wanted for her to pick from...and then in the end ignored it and did what she wanted.
not surprised...
its typical honestly...
its annoying...
she complained to my aunt about us getting married
she bragged to mom about how her bf works night and day
she tripped in her too high heels and almost busted her ass...
and she left right after the presents were opened.
oh and wade hit on morgan. lol.
lets see...the next day we went and picked up some of aaron's clothes since he's slowly but surely moving out. she wasn't too excited about that and wanted us "all on the same page" about it. aaron never made any definite answers as to what he was doing...
she hasn't been calling him like she used to
his sister isn't talking to either one of us again...
i haven't heard from either one of them...but they stopped talking to me around the time that i got pregnant...
...and/or stopped agreeing to everything they said
i'm enjoying the silence and preparing for the worst possible case scenario. but who knows when that will happen...
mind you that doesn't mean that MIL wasn't acting out or that the ILs weren't antisocial OR that Aaron's friends were pains...it simply means that no one got shot.
I accidentally planned the shower on the same day as Caribbean carnival. typical. we had chosen the date for after our anniversary as we were going to get married and announce it at the shower. the wedding plans turned into something bigger than either of us wanted so we cancelled...and hated each other...and broke up...and then eloped before anyone cold tell us what they though we should do.
his mother was upset...as to be expected. she said something to the extent of "well you know what you're getting into..." which i took more as a warning than a congratulations...
aaron told me that she whined before i got there "i wanted to beeee there....was holly's mom there? why didn't you teeeeellllll me?"
aaron was very straightforward. or so he told me. "it was just the two of us. no one knew. we just wanted the two of us there."
"well i wanted to be there"
"if you were there everyone would have to be there"
"soooooooooooooo...."
so that was last wednesday. she didn't find out until thursday. the shower was on saturday.
my aunt came from california to be there. she finally met ani who performed for the crowd. Tuck and Tosin hosted and did a great job of dealing with me as mother-zilla and keeping the crowd moving.
aaron's mother's contribution was a cake and it was huge. and milky. and not sweet...aaron loved it. i would have worn it as a dress...or a hat...wasn't too fond of the flavor. his family came and stayed to themselves mainly. i think they were waiting for a big wedding announcement that never came.
only one aunt and one uncle (and his wife) came of his entire family. that was aggravating. his cousin and his wife came. a bunch of my friends who said they would be there was all of a sudden MIA...bitches... his cousins didn't come. 2 aunts didn't come...and his sister actually showed up 3 hours late - her excuse "she went to the pool"
are you for real? you only have one baby shower in your life time...and you were too busy to actuall yact right and come to your brother's?if it had been at his house and had a whole bunch of patron i bet everyone would have made a way up there...
anyway. wade and richard came late as usual. wade had RSVPed saying he wasn't going to make it cuz he was going to be out of town...and then suddenly remembered that he was actually gone on antoher weekend and didn't tell anyone as a "surprise" -___-
silence
He wanted me to read his card out loud. some nonsense about "i couldn't believe it when you said you were having a baby...but hey if anyon one should it may as well be you."
silence
he also made an announcement after the gifts "i couldn't believe it when aaron said he was having a baby, but i have an announcement. i'm having a baby too....in 5 years...ha ha ha"
silence....
he's so wack
my mother was like "that tall one was annoying...and immature. so was the short one (richard)"
they came as we were handing out prize awards and MIl tried to stop everything so that they could play the games. it was too late...and we weren't having it.
are you forreal? the shower started at 1...your ass showed at 4...we're not restarting everything for 2 ppl...
MIL bought a bunch of onsies that say "I LOVE DADDY" and a frame that she showed me months ago that she said she was keeping for herself. and then gave us a toddler car seat.
i have no problem with the carseat...please don't get my wrong. thank you...
but seeing as we have at least 6 months before she'll be in it i don't understand why she got it for us. This woman demanded a list of 4 or 5 things that we wanted for her to pick from...and then in the end ignored it and did what she wanted.
not surprised...
its typical honestly...
its annoying...
she complained to my aunt about us getting married
she bragged to mom about how her bf works night and day
she tripped in her too high heels and almost busted her ass...
and she left right after the presents were opened.
oh and wade hit on morgan. lol.
lets see...the next day we went and picked up some of aaron's clothes since he's slowly but surely moving out. she wasn't too excited about that and wanted us "all on the same page" about it. aaron never made any definite answers as to what he was doing...
she hasn't been calling him like she used to
his sister isn't talking to either one of us again...
i haven't heard from either one of them...but they stopped talking to me around the time that i got pregnant...
...and/or stopped agreeing to everything they said
i'm enjoying the silence and preparing for the worst possible case scenario. but who knows when that will happen...
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
i never thought i'd feel this way
i keep typing posts, but not posting them.
i think i'm going to try to be a littl emore positive these days. I don't want to look back on my pregnancy and only remember my complaints
i honestly love the little jumps and kicks from the little one inside of me. its comforting to know she's there. maybe no one will understand the feeling...but its like you're never alone. that for your entire life she's been there waiting for just the right time to make herself known.
and i can't wait to meet her.
her personality already seems like so much fun.
he kicks are strong...and while i cringe i'm glad she's strong. i'm glad she is adament. i'm glad that she wants to be known and i hope she come sout just as strong and independent as she already is here.
he dances to music. lol. its sweet to feel her kicking as soon as music starts playing. she pushes against things i'm leaning on. She has one little foot lodged under my ribs and when i lay some where she doesn't like she pushes up to make me move. as if already i need to remember to accomodate her first.
she hiccups at night...and now in the morning. a rhythmic motion just above my pelvis and todayi thik i felt her little tummy at the same time. i never felt that before.
i can feel her playing with her fingers. a gently tickle on my hips as she opens and closes her fingers trying to figure out where she is.
she pushes her little butt or knees around...right under my belly button. and as i'm layind dwon in bed i can lift my shirt and see her repositioning herself to be more comfortable in the little womb she has made her own.
she wakes up when her daddy tells her too. never when i do...
i dream of what she'll look like. i wonder how tall she'll be. if she'll be shy like her father or out spoken like her mother. if she'll have my butt. his nose. who's hair?
i have a thousand and one questions about here that i'll only learn in time...and i can't wait to learn them
and at the same time that i'm ready to meet her and see her and hold her in my arms as i have in my womb for all these weeks...i want to keep her inside of me...to protect her within me...hold her where no one can take her from me.
this will be the only time that she is with me 100% of the time...and i'll never get that back.
i'll never have complete say over her when she's born...and i'll have to learn to share her...and care for her differently than how i've been able to while i cared for myself.
i want to give her the world...but i want her to learn to work for it too.
i want to make her life easier than mine ever was.
and i want all of her dreams to come true
and if i have to fight heaven and hell to protect her i will....
and while i'm almost ready for her to come...i'll miss her here...i'll miss this feeling to being one. i'll miss it when she's gone.
i never thought i'd feel this way...
i think i'm going to try to be a littl emore positive these days. I don't want to look back on my pregnancy and only remember my complaints
i honestly love the little jumps and kicks from the little one inside of me. its comforting to know she's there. maybe no one will understand the feeling...but its like you're never alone. that for your entire life she's been there waiting for just the right time to make herself known.
and i can't wait to meet her.
her personality already seems like so much fun.
he kicks are strong...and while i cringe i'm glad she's strong. i'm glad she is adament. i'm glad that she wants to be known and i hope she come sout just as strong and independent as she already is here.
he dances to music. lol. its sweet to feel her kicking as soon as music starts playing. she pushes against things i'm leaning on. She has one little foot lodged under my ribs and when i lay some where she doesn't like she pushes up to make me move. as if already i need to remember to accomodate her first.
she hiccups at night...and now in the morning. a rhythmic motion just above my pelvis and todayi thik i felt her little tummy at the same time. i never felt that before.
i can feel her playing with her fingers. a gently tickle on my hips as she opens and closes her fingers trying to figure out where she is.
she pushes her little butt or knees around...right under my belly button. and as i'm layind dwon in bed i can lift my shirt and see her repositioning herself to be more comfortable in the little womb she has made her own.
she wakes up when her daddy tells her too. never when i do...
i dream of what she'll look like. i wonder how tall she'll be. if she'll be shy like her father or out spoken like her mother. if she'll have my butt. his nose. who's hair?
i have a thousand and one questions about here that i'll only learn in time...and i can't wait to learn them
and at the same time that i'm ready to meet her and see her and hold her in my arms as i have in my womb for all these weeks...i want to keep her inside of me...to protect her within me...hold her where no one can take her from me.
this will be the only time that she is with me 100% of the time...and i'll never get that back.
i'll never have complete say over her when she's born...and i'll have to learn to share her...and care for her differently than how i've been able to while i cared for myself.
i want to give her the world...but i want her to learn to work for it too.
i want to make her life easier than mine ever was.
and i want all of her dreams to come true
and if i have to fight heaven and hell to protect her i will....
and while i'm almost ready for her to come...i'll miss her here...i'll miss this feeling to being one. i'll miss it when she's gone.
i never thought i'd feel this way...
Thursday, June 16, 2011
1 year later
This time last year is when it all began again. I wish I sill had the emails that I could share with you. The ups and downs of our rollercoaster relationship. lol
Aaron's being released from the hospital today.
He went in on Monday 6/13 for a knee surgery. Well officially a knee anthroscopy, SCAN, ACL reconstruction. it was supposed to be an in and out procedure. It ended up being 3 days in the hospital.
He surgery took 3 hours. we went in at 11:30 his surgery started around 2 and ended around 3. He wasn't released from PACU until 11:53PM. His blood pressure shot through the roof and his heart rate wouldn't go down. we thought that everything would calm down over night and he'd come home in the morning. Well tuesday rolls around and the pain medicines aren't working and his heart rate is still high. So they keep him another night. Wednesday his heart rate started going down, but they realized that his lungs are not filling to capacity...leading to the high temperature and heart rate...he went from 108 at noon to a 125 when he was checked again around 3...that a full CAT scan and they decided to keep him again over night.
Today he's being released.
He text me (he finally has his phone 3 days later) saying he was on his way home.
Its been a long couple of days. hopefully he'll be able to get some rest at home. He doesn't like hospitals in general and officially doesn't like having to stay there alone over night...or with a roommate over night.
Recovery is going to be hard. We had assumed he would be on crutches for a week and then walking after wards. they told him instead he'll be off his leg for 6-8 weeks. they also mentioned his sports days might be over...he was high on morphine at the time and doesn't rememebr that. i'm not going to be the one to remind me.
Its hard to seeing him in pain. Its hard to seeing him in a hospital. It's hard seeing him helpless. I told him no more surgeries. purely for selfish reasons...i can't handle the stress of him being weak...Hopefully having him at home will make it easier. On both of us...
hopefully having it at him will make it better...
its been an interesting 9 months...lol.
its been an interesting year...
i can't wait to see what else life has in store for us.
Aaron's being released from the hospital today.
He went in on Monday 6/13 for a knee surgery. Well officially a knee anthroscopy, SCAN, ACL reconstruction. it was supposed to be an in and out procedure. It ended up being 3 days in the hospital.
He surgery took 3 hours. we went in at 11:30 his surgery started around 2 and ended around 3. He wasn't released from PACU until 11:53PM. His blood pressure shot through the roof and his heart rate wouldn't go down. we thought that everything would calm down over night and he'd come home in the morning. Well tuesday rolls around and the pain medicines aren't working and his heart rate is still high. So they keep him another night. Wednesday his heart rate started going down, but they realized that his lungs are not filling to capacity...leading to the high temperature and heart rate...he went from 108 at noon to a 125 when he was checked again around 3...that a full CAT scan and they decided to keep him again over night.
Today he's being released.
He text me (he finally has his phone 3 days later) saying he was on his way home.
Its been a long couple of days. hopefully he'll be able to get some rest at home. He doesn't like hospitals in general and officially doesn't like having to stay there alone over night...or with a roommate over night.
Recovery is going to be hard. We had assumed he would be on crutches for a week and then walking after wards. they told him instead he'll be off his leg for 6-8 weeks. they also mentioned his sports days might be over...he was high on morphine at the time and doesn't rememebr that. i'm not going to be the one to remind me.
Its hard to seeing him in pain. Its hard to seeing him in a hospital. It's hard seeing him helpless. I told him no more surgeries. purely for selfish reasons...i can't handle the stress of him being weak...Hopefully having him at home will make it easier. On both of us...
hopefully having it at him will make it better...
its been an interesting 9 months...lol.
its been an interesting year...
i can't wait to see what else life has in store for us.
Monday, June 6, 2011
over it
so i've come to realize that maybe its not just because of me...this whole angry pregnancy thing. i thought it was hormones. i thought i just wasn't made for it. i thought maybe i was doing something wrong all along...
i've never seen someone so over pregnancy as i have been for the past 6 months of my life...ok maybe not 6...maybe 5 or 4....just months of being pissed and alone and upset about everything from the additonal weight to the ridiculous drama.
now i've realized it more likely the situation that i'm in...and i'm totally over that now.
everything from march on ward has been dramatic. every decision from baby shower colors to christening gowns has been a dig discussion on who should be the one who makes the decision. hell even the god parents turned into a point of contention
and i'm over it...
i've over the nonsense.
i have been on an emotional rollercoaster due to hormones and in laws for longer than i can possibly stand...and i'm over it
from this point on...i'm not dealing with it. i'm black holing everything that is going to stress me out. i'm ignoring everything that is negative and ignorant. i'm walking away from anything that is going to turn a decision that we've made into a family discussion
i'm not dealing with it.
maybe after all of the hormones have left my system...when people have realized i'm not a child...when ppl grow up and educate themselves...then i'll be able to handle the stress...
but i'm simply not dealing with it anymore
fuck being the bigger person...
i'm just going to be the pregnant one...i think i deserve at least that...
i've never seen someone so over pregnancy as i have been for the past 6 months of my life...ok maybe not 6...maybe 5 or 4....just months of being pissed and alone and upset about everything from the additonal weight to the ridiculous drama.
now i've realized it more likely the situation that i'm in...and i'm totally over that now.
everything from march on ward has been dramatic. every decision from baby shower colors to christening gowns has been a dig discussion on who should be the one who makes the decision. hell even the god parents turned into a point of contention
and i'm over it...
i've over the nonsense.
i have been on an emotional rollercoaster due to hormones and in laws for longer than i can possibly stand...and i'm over it
from this point on...i'm not dealing with it. i'm black holing everything that is going to stress me out. i'm ignoring everything that is negative and ignorant. i'm walking away from anything that is going to turn a decision that we've made into a family discussion
i'm not dealing with it.
maybe after all of the hormones have left my system...when people have realized i'm not a child...when ppl grow up and educate themselves...then i'll be able to handle the stress...
but i'm simply not dealing with it anymore
fuck being the bigger person...
i'm just going to be the pregnant one...i think i deserve at least that...
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