Wednesday, January 19, 2011
like i feel better for 2 days and immediately fall back into a pit of despair.
i have the king of colds right now. A monster virus. I don't even know what to call it.
and lucky for me i can't even take any medicine.
just chug orange juice and hope that I'll feel better.
I have a doctor's appointment on friday. Not my primary care. no that was monday. when i wasn't feeling sick. Now I have to go hacking and sneezing to my OB-GYN who will no doubt send me to get another Zpack. Just give me a 6 month supply. I'm going to need it.
i should have been inhaling airborne. i should have been snorting it. but no...i was hoping water and rest was enough. Nope. of course not.
ok, little bear, i need you to work with mommy here. help me out, homie. i feel like crap and i know you do too. so lets try to work together to stay healthy.
Monday, January 10, 2011
I'm currently setting up my new living situation. Not exactly my ideal...but I'm trying to be positive. now that plans have changed I'll be staying home until I have enough money to get a town house or something.
My skin is dry. this is new. if anyone knows me they know that my skin is usually oilier than the gulf last summer. but now...nothing. i have to Vaseline myself down before i leave the house. my hair is long. my scalp is dry...i could easily fall asleep at the drop of a hat...and i can't get enough mexican food.
i hate the smell of chicken...unless its shredded and smothered in sauce (cheese, dressing, tomato). the sight of a baked drum stick makes me gag. Bagels in cream cheese have become a staple in my diet.
I go to sleep around 10PM every night. I wake up at 5:30 and want a nap around noon.
classes start on thursday and life is going to get pretty interesting. lets see how I do staying away until 11PM twice a week and still getting up at 5:30. it was hard enough before i had a living being in my body trying to keep my ass in bed.
My program ends in September. Which will be an interesting feat...as I'm due in August. There is going to be an interesting month where i try to keep everything together ( I wonder if they'll let me supplement work for attending class...but knowing Kelly she'll be a bitch and say yes and then still fail me)
Not going to talk about the boy...we're still trying to figure things out. everything had just fallen into place before it all blew up again with this new situation. He's having a hard time with all of the added "pressure" and I could care less about his added stress...trying to deal with my own.
Hopefully I'll have happier news next time I post...
hopefully i'll have more to say.
Monday, January 3, 2011
I couldn't seem to find the words...
that in itself is rare. I usually have words. I usually have tons of things to say. and there were things said. things discussed. things yelled and screamed and sobbed...but nothing that could be combined into coherent sentences that explained the confusing i was drowning in.
i'm still there...
some how afloat in confusion...
i'm terrified. absolutely terrified.
this is no where where i thought i'd be. ever. and i'm here. trying to figure out what exactly comes next.
i'm trying to take everything one day at a time...but the entire time i know theres a finish line quickly approaching.
a foreign land
a new journey to begin that i can't seem to wrap my head around
apprx. 212 days...
212 days and everything that i've ever known changes.
and i keep looking back at how this all began. and ended and began again...
and i wonder if thats what was meant to be. if must be. there's a plan for everything...but now? why now? how? what? where....
maybe i wasn't as prepared to post as i thought i was...
i'm just trying to take ever thing one step at a time
one day at a time
and maybe a few steps from now i'll figure out where i'm going